After a half hour of us gorging on crab legs and General Tso's Chicken and so on, a family of white trash comes in and plops their big fat redneck asses in the booth behind us. Why they sat behind us when there was no one else in the restaurant is beyond me. Maybe they wanted to flaunt the intellectual conversation they would be engaging in. After eating for a few minutes, they started rambling about what they were eating and how it wasn't that great. In fact, the food is great there. It's just that the hillbillies in our small strung together towns can't handle anything beside plain old meat and potatoes. My wife and I could hear them, quite easily, because they were so loud. I think they wanted the workers and management there to hear what they were gabbing about.
From that topic, they leaped to another kind of conversation....
One of the family members, the oldest dude, said to no one in particular, "You know, the craziest thing I ever had to eat was a White Castle hamburger out of Jennifer's coochie."
I have no idea if 'Jennifer' was at their table at the time but I heard a distinct female giggle following his statement of personal culinary triumph.
My wife heard them and stared behind me, at the guy saying it. She began to laugh. I did, too. I whispered to her, "I guess that's why they call those hamburgers 'sliders'."
I thought what he said was also funny because only minutes before they came in, I was watching my wife eat a tiny bowl of Tapioca pudding. I like Tapioca pudding, don't get me wrong, but to me it looks like sperm. I told her that it looked like a big blob of jizz and she laughed and said, "Yum." She gets my depraved sense of humor and we've been together for over 21 years. In other words, we've said just about every crazy thing you can say to another person and still know it's cool or acceptable.
Anyway, the sight of pudding got me to thinking about the experimental days I had with old girlfriends. Because of one experience I had with one girlfriend, I had trouble eating chocolate pudding for awhile.
I got the idea to use chocolate pudding on my girlfriend's vagina. As I filled a bit too much chocolate pudding into her twat, she wriggled around on a bed, expressing her enjoyment. Soon enough, I was down between her thighs, eating her pussy. She moaned and groaned and I was getting into it pretty well. But the chocolate pudding was getting everywhere, man. The sheets. My face. Her butt cheeks. But I didn't care. I was a man with a mission. Even if I couldn't tell what was where because of the vast amounts of pudding covering the whole area, I was going to get to the bottom of things.
Soon enough, she was really going crazy and giggling, like I was tickling her or something. Then I was realizing I was tasting something different other than pussy and pudding. I found out, the hard way, that my tongue had slipped into her butt hole. I tasted a distinct hint of poop juice. My brain lit up in shock and fear and I promptly got up from the bed. She said, "I really liked it when you licked my anus. But it kind of tickled.' I stuttered, saying, "But... But I didn't know I was... licking your asshole. I... I couldn't tell because of all the pudding."
And then I screamed.
She said it was okay because she had wiped her ass really good after her last dump. This attempt at consolation failed to console me and I vowed to never use chocolate pudding as part of my sexual experimentation again. Unless, it was to be put on my hardened cock and slurped off by a sexy young woman. Which, actually, that very thing happened later on in life.
I just stuck my prick in a bowl of chocolate pudding, pulled it out and she gobbled away on it like it was a chocolate covered banana. I provided the homemade whipped cream, of course.
Enjoy your desserts!