This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Summer Fun Action


What have I been up to?

Enjoying the summer, goddamn it! After 6 months of a harsh, excruciatingly long winter, summer has finally arrived and instead of being bound or limited in what can be done during the past heavy bouts of ice, snow and all that groovy shit, I'm unshackled, free, even, my amigos, to get out and enjoy. My past problems before kept me from posting regularly. Ironically, things are going so well, nowadays, I've been spending most of my time away from the drudgery of lame, indoor activity.

Well, I do make time for cat fisting and fixing a good cup of coffee. That will perk you up. You shouldn't deny yourself the simple things in life, you know.

In any case, I wholeheartedly encourage everyone reading this to get outside right now and go crazy this summer. Put a bundle of firecrackers in your pants, light 'em up and sing "Yank Me Doodle Dandy" till the neighbors call the authorities on you.

Of course, you gals may say, "But Kelly, I wish not to harshly burn my womanly baloney flaps and my cuddly clitoris."

Do it anyway, damn it! Get crackin'! And poppin'! Add some spice and spark to your life! Show 'em who's boss!

You dudes, on the other hand, might point out, "But what about the charred remains of my crispy, deflated testes and my seriously messed up smoking ballsack?"

Oh, boo hoo. Don't be such a crybaby! Put a dab of sunburn cream on your junk and it will all be swell. Take it from the good Dr. Kelly. He'll never steer you wrong.


Speaking of things in your pants, you may want to watch this. It's quite lovely.


A couple weeks ago, I went to my sister's 23rd year wedding anniversary/bonfire party. I saw some friends I hadn't seen in ages. The crinkles around their eyes and the strands of gray in the hair freaked me out. So I said, "You guys are getting old."

They said, "Well, you are, too," almost in unison.

I laughed, took it in stride and shot them all in the head.

Seriously, we had a relaxing, fun time. It could be because we were all fucked up but I think it was the general mood of seeing each other again and the great weather and the food and the liquor and the dog and turkey face off.

Yes, I did record the Dog Vs. Turkey Match of The Millennium with my digital camera. The quality isn't that great but the content is funny. Forgive me or not about the quality. I was quite numb and it took all three of my working brain cells to find the movie camera symbol thingy on the camera dial thingy. Hope I'm not being too technical here.

No animals were hurt during the dog and turkey foreplay right before they finally made sweet, sweet inter-species love to one another, folks. So don't stress out!

Here's the video clip. Listen to our witty dialogue and be amazed! Watch two wild n' crazy beasts go at each other until the bitter dispute ends with tender, oddly arousing lovemaking! For real! Sorry, freaks, I had to edit that last part out. This is a family site, after all.


Before the entertainment, we feasted on grilled burgers, metts, bratwurst, a teriyaki rice dish I made, earlier, and a lot of other good edibles. We didn't kill and eat the turkey this time. It was covered with too much spooge.

During the course of the day and evening, I snapped a lot of shots of sunsets, people, animals, fire and Lord knows what. If you find out, tell me.

OH YEAHHH! And that's just what Randy "Macho Man" Savage said just before he crashed. Too true. Plus, he had a Slim Jim hangin' out of his pie hole when they found him slumped over.

Here are a few of the photos I took throughout the day and night of the party.


There's nothing like staring into the coals and flames of a raging bonfire. Very peaceful. It really eases the worries of the day and allows your mind to wander into tranquil territories.

We decided not to throw our friend, Marty, into the bonfire that night because, even though he has lost some muscle mass due to his MS disease, he's still kinda heavy. He still weighs in at 150 pounds. We tried encouraging him to steer his electronic mobile chair thingamajiggy into the fire, himself, to give us a break from hurting our backs from lifting him and possibly interrupting our drunken revelry but he was too lazy.

Damn him.

Normally, we would chase after our sarcastic friend, Greg, tackle him to the ground and take him to the bonfire "to threaten to throw him in" but he couldn't make it because he was working in Kansas.

Damn him, too.

You can see more photos from the party if you click on my photo blog, Pics For Kicks.

I hope everyone has a safe, fun, relaxing summer in the months ahead. It certainly beats where we were with that hellish winter here in the U.S. only a few months ago. I implore you to get out and enjoy nature. Believe it or not, fucking around with your computer or any other electronic device isn't all that.

These past few weeks have been glorious compared to what the situation was for the wife and I only a month ago. Hooray! About time!

While away from the hallowed, frankly ridiculous internet, we saw four movies in the theater.

I grade the following on a scale of 1-10:

Green Lantern gets an 8. Bad Teacher gets a 7. Cars 2 gets an 8. The latest Transformers movie gets an 8, as well.

Besides grilling out, drinking too much, communing with the great outdoors and spending money on a laptop for the wife and going out to eat about every friggin' day, I've recently gotten re-addicted to a computer game I played for years this last week. Just one more reason I haven't been blogging much these days. The game is called Sacred. It's an older hack n' slash RPG but it's still a lot of fun. My character is a Battle Mage named Master Heathen. I hate the pinkish color glow that his wicked magical armor gives off but it doesn't mean shit, really, when you take in the fact that he's really great at disemboweling his enemies with ease and setting them on fire as they continue to scream.

Well, gang, that's all I got for now. For my next post, I'm going to describe, with pictures and words, the big semi-annual flea market we go to every year that's famous for it's muzzle-loading shoots, odd items for sale and freaky folks dressed in leather, coon skin hats and dresses (not necessarily all at once) in nearly one hundred degree heat.

There's a variety of smells in the air, you'll detect, during the week long flea market/muzzle loading shoot. Everything from sweaty meat bags to Elk Burgers piled with sauteed onions.

That upcoming post should be fun. Stay tuned! Stay safe! And don't forget to put the M-80's down your pants and light 'em up to show your special Fourth of July patriotism. We're all counting on you.

Note: I'll try my damnedest to visit your blogs the next couple of days so be prepared.

34 comments:

LilPixi said...

It's good to know you're having so much fun!! I'm envious, and I'm gonna follow your advice, as soon as the ridiculous shit I face this month is over.

You threw a lot of hilarious comments in here too. Never a dull post! I SO know what you mean about staring into the fire, and I don't find 150 to be big for a guy, if I may say so myself. Of course it is when you have to lift someone consistently.

That turkey had balls of steel!
And what about MY smoking ballsack?

This post was very inspirational! I'm really going to get out & enjoy my summer a lot more, and I'm so glad you are living it up that way too! =)

Have the bestest freaking 4th of July weekend, Kelly!! Love & Farts galore!

Annabelle said...

"cat fisting" ? Jeezus I hope that is not a typo because its fucking brilliant.

So glad you're sunny and bright. you've earned it.

Ive been so out and about enjoying the summer that the backs of my thighs are now pink and painful. usually i have to be a naughty girl to get this kind of sting going.

Its patriotic to get sunburned on on 4th July weekend, Im doing it for god and country.

Big hugs crazy man

MartyrMom said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE that song!!

Lost.in.Idaho said...

Turkey vs dog, the loser becomes dinner....

and that wasn't lovemaking. He was just helping baste the turkey before you cook it.

Mrs. Pickle said...

Kelly is back!

I am so glad you made a post. I have missed reading them! I Oh before I forget, when were you going to send me that picture of you fucking the goat? I don’t know if you got my email address wrong or if you forgot. Just let me know.

GEM said...

Yey you're back!! I was wondering what happened to you.....it's been too quiet. Your post is lively, fun, jovial, mad and most importantly.....fun!! Glad to have you back ringside Kelly.

bazza said...

Hi Kelly. I thought for a while that you were having a long rest from blogging. Glad to see you back - have a wonderful summer.
Back in the saddle!
Click here for Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

klahanie said...

Hey dude,
What, have you been away from blogging? :)
Anyway, how I can I possibly top the comments from all your adoring fans above me. Just pleased you have and are enjoying the summer.
A typical zany post by your shy and humble self. And please don't worry about visiting my blog. Check out those above me, they do stuff better than I could possibly ever do.
Take care friend and I hope that one day, you and I can sit around a campfire and roast our wieners.....

Pickleope said...

You must have been drinking HEAVILY if you enjoyed Transformers 3. But I won't begrudge your likes, especially since I'm just glad to read more of your madness.

THE SNEE said...

Hi Kelly,

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY! Your summer sounds incredibly refreshing. We had a refreshing day today up in the lakes regions. Now, I must return back to my boxes. I'm really beginning to smell like cardboard! So glad to read your post!

The Wolf said...

Sounds like a mystical journey of a good time. Fireworks in the pants is a great way to spend a lazy afternoon. I also recommend that after all the snap crackle and pop in your pants is done that your rub what's left of your junk in a combination of vinegar, salt, and Drano before you pass you....now that's a party.

Rico Swaff said...

I am in the same boat as you with the summertime blogging.

I have never played "Sacred," but want to check it out. I am stuck on the new Mortal Kombat game at the moment. Best MK game I have played since the Sega Genesis days.

Kelly said...

LilPixi- I'm not exactly sure what ridiculous shit you're facing but I hope I'll get a clue when I go to visit your site. Otherwise, I know you've been getting out and gardening quite a bit and getting some sun in the south- so I think you're well underway with your 'summer fun action' activities. Yeah, fire staring is a real treat when you're nice and relaxed or just wanting some peace for a few moments. Great way to meditate, too. Glad you enjoyed my comments, LilPixi. And For being 150 lbs, Marty is hard to lift, strangely enough. I've done it just recently, in fact when he visited. I also helped him with his legs, one step at a time, to my second floor apartment. I know he doesn't like to be helped but I don't want to see him struggle. He's a lifetime friend.

Your smoking ballsack is stinkin' up the neighborhood, lil' missy. Better break out the Lysol! Woo hoo! Hope ya had a Happy 4th. Love and Farts forever, LilPixi!

Kelly said...

Annabelle- Guess what? I picked a booger out of my nose and I can't seem to shake it off my finger. Sometimes, it magically appears on my thumb. It's like some kind o' supernatural sticky booger from another realm. Any advice? Do you think I could put it up the cat's butt when I fist it first thing in the morning? Also: Naughty girls need to apply lotion to heal their sunburned skin and stuff. :)

I'm glad you're doing your patriotic part this holiday weekend. I can't wait till my dumbass neighbors stop letting off fireworks. I'm thinking of flicking some boogers at them. Take care, Annabelle!

Kelly said...

MarytrMom- Glad you love love love that song. And I'm even happier to see you around again. Like all the rest who I follow, I'll be at your blog asap. Can't wait to see what you've been up to.

Kelly said...

Lost.in.Idaho- You know, if I was hungry enough, I'm pretty sure I could eat a dog... or a human being... or a cicada. But I don't think I could eat a dolphin. They're too cute and smart. Yes, dogs are exceptional cooks and really know their way around basting a bird with their pecker marinade. Valid point, you made, sir.

Kelly said...

Mrs. Pickle- Thank you for saying all of that. I really did miss conversing with you and the rest of the gang here. I'm slacking big time these days. Maybe I need to watch more "weird penetrations" porn for motivation or inspiration. At this rate, I may just be able to put up four more posts by the end of the year. Wahoooo.

I plan on using the photo of me fucking the goat on some extra special Christmas cards later this year. I was also planning on sending you a Christmas card, with me in my Santa suit, fucking the goat and yelling, "Ho Ho Ho AAAAAAH!" as I spurt my Holiday Wad. Sound good?

Kelly said...

GEM- Thank you! Sweet of you to say all of that, really. I somehow don't feel worthy of the praise. I'm really modest, you know.

Well, not really. But I like to say I am.

In any case, I hope your summer is swingin' in the right direction and is full of jolly fun and goodness. You deserve it. Take care, GEM.

Kelly said...

bazza- Hell, I figured some of my blogging pals thought I dropped off the edge of the Earth. Yes, I still think the world is flat- like a plate of noodles. I guess I'm kinda behind the times, eh?

Hey, I was watching a movie the other night on the Starz channel with a character named Bazza. It was an Australian made flick. I forget the name of it, though.

Carry on and have a great day!

Kelly said...

klahanie- Hey, it's my old pal, Gary! Great to see you here, dude. That's true. I wasn't really gone. I was actually in the blogosphere, floating around, invisible, like a horny ghost. You caught me. Your prize is something dripping in a bag. I bet you can't wait.

I'm truly touched by all the adoring fans who have left comments here. It tells me that I'm still the glorious god of blogs that I always thought I was. What a wonderful confirmation of my faith in myself. Better than this, though, is that you made the time to visit here and comment. And for that, I can't even calculate the worth. You're better than swell, my friend. :) Speaking of swell... I'd be more than happy to roast our wieners together until they swell and burst with bubbling juices one fine day. Take care, Gary.

Kelly said...

Pickleope- Actually, it was the blonde I liked in Transformers 3. when she wasn't talking and saying stupid things, her long tanned legs and mighty fine titties made my wiener go yippity yay. Otherwise, the rest of the flick was alright. Some great actions scenes. Thanks for not begrudging my likes and a big thanks for liking my madness. I'm a total fan of your brand of madness, too.

Kelly said...

THE SNEE- Even though the 4th has come and gone, I still wish you a happy, belated Independence Day, Rebecca. I'm glad you had a refreshing time in the lakes region. You smell like cardboard from all of the boxes, eh? Don't feel bad! I smell like that crazy Sir Tom Eagerly fella. I've heard they've tried using the fire hose to get the wino stench off of him. Now the townsfolk here are CHASING ME up and down the streets and spraying me with Lysol to get rid of the "stinkies". Gosh.

Sad, really. :-) I hope you have a spectacular summer, my friend. I'll be checking out your blog asap.

Kelly said...

The Wolf- That combination of vinegar salt and Drano down my pants would make me giggle like a little girl. Actually, if I doused my worthless junk with that shit, I might as well be a little girl. But what a party in the pants!

Fo Sho!

Have a safe, riot-less time in Canada this summer, dude. If it starts getting too violent up there, you're more than welcome to come down to good ol' peaceful America where we don't believe in disrupting the peace and stuff.

Yep. :)

Kelly said...

Rico Swaff- So you can relate then, huh? These days, I'm just not getting the time and there are times when I do have it and I'm just not motivated. Maybe I'm possessed by the Crazy Spirit of Summer Fun. Ooooh... scary. :-)

I've played Mortal Kombat on the PS2 and got into it for awhile. To me, it was kind of like a hyper version of the Street Fighter games. I liked it. Sacred, if you ever get the chance to play it, is sinister in how addictive it is. I've been known to play it ten hours straight during a day's time.

Take care, friend.

bazza said...

Hello again. Bazza is UK (and Aussie) street slang for Barry - my real name. Barry is a popular name in Australia.
You would be called Kezza!
Click here for Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

LoneIslander said...

I be spending my summer in the class room as usual because I'm a cool kid who signed up for the summer semester, yeah this is going to suck.

ResCogitans said...

kezza you're back! :p am looking forward to the holiday season here too, camping, bonfires, and bbqs. though round my way the bonfires are pretty full on - not something to gaze dreamily into as you hold out a stick with a sausage!

Kelly said...

bazza- Yeah, I remember you telling me in one of those emails about that. Sometime, when you have the time, I want you to explain why they always seem to use the two z's when they do that.

Kezza, eh? I might have to use that as an alias, someday. Well, hell... Now I can't. I just told everybody about it. :)

Kelly said...

LoneIslander- Maybe you can do something fun during your breaks in school. I don't know how summer school is, though, since I've never gone or know someone that's gone. Hope it goes as well as possible for ya and you get some Summer Fun Action somehow.

Kelly said...

ResCogitans- Yes, "The Almighty and All Knowledgeable and Stuff Kezza" is back and ready for action. But he's not just ready for any kind of action. It has to involve World Domination and a certain cheese found in France. Intrigued? Yes, I knew you would be.

So you like that name, eh? I like that temple of skids pic. Now like a friend use to say, after he'd bring truckload of skids to one of our bonfires... "Now that's a fire!" Sounds like you live somewhere close to some raging forest fires out west or something. If you do, you have my sympathy.

ResCogitans said...

brie? roquefort? i do like a good blue cheese like st. agur... mmmm. i found some in french canada once - probably the only bit of north america with a decent cheese in it.

lol nope no forest fires - literally there are several bonfires like the one in that pic about to be lit around where i live. they get built up over a month or two and are guarded 24/7 to stop me lighting them early.

when they do get lit they burn so hot that often nearby houses get melted windowframes etc and even main roads have the tarmac blistered really badly.

Kelly said...

ResCogitans- I was talking about the cheese hangin' out from a crack whore's baloney flaps but, hey, any of those will work as well, maybe even better.I see what you mean by your fires now. Bonfires aren't as bad unless they turn into something bigger. But the ones in your area that melt windowframes and blister tarmac sounds a little too hot for my taste.

I'd rather find a nice cool public pool to pee in.

DramaQueen said...

I wondered where you had disappeared to! Well freakin' awesome you've been enjoying the summer...I'm trying really really hard, but it's difficult with 2 little brats constantly fighting in the house. *sigh*

And holy shit, I knew I liked you...I found a fellow gammer geek! I use to play something similar, but have detatched myself from it for the time being. I'm sure I'll go back eventually, but for now I stear clear cuz I just don't have the time.

Anyway, hope you enjoy the rest of the summer!

Kelly said...

DramaQueen- I can understand you not being able to do the blog thing as much with two kids that constantly need your attention. We don't have any kids, ourselves, but my sister and sister-in-law do and they complain that their kids swallow your all your time up in a day til there's nothing left for you.

I feel for ya.

Yes, I am a bit of a gamer. And hey, let me let you in on something. I just had a brand new computer custom built that can play these high-powered games that require a lot of oomph from your processor and RAM. In the last four or five years, I've had to play nothing but older RPG titles and Rollercoaster Tycoon. Now when I get the new one picked up from the shop tomorrow and hooked up and so on... you won't be seeing too much of me at all for awhile because I'll be either outside or playing games on my PC- probably till Autumn begins- then I'll go back to blogging more. In other words, I'm a game addict- when it is possible for me to be so. But I know what you mean about having to stay clear of it all because of all of your responsibilities.

Try to have a great summer. I'll drop by now and then. I have one more post I'm putting up until I return.

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