My Mind's Journey

Written years ago, this poem is based on an experience I had when I was 21. During that time, my wisdom teeth were causing me a butt load of pain.

In order to pull out all four of my wisdom teeth, a dentist had to dislocate my jaw. I was gassed and put out for the operation.

While I was out, I had the most wonderful dream I've ever had in my life. I still recall most of it. The music of Led Zeppelin was playing all around me in the dream as I bounced up and down on my magic carpet. I remember being disappointed when I came out of it, realizing I was back in this world again.

MY MIND'S JOURNEY

TAKEN TO A PLACE I HAVE NEVER FORGOTTEN

WHISPERS, LAUGHTER AND SECRET BEINGS AROUND ME

CLOUDS UNFOLDING

EMBRACE ME

WELCOME WITH WARMTH

AND GIVE SECURITY

FROM THERE I RODE INTO A WORLD OF MAGNIFICENT LIGHTS

UP AND DOWN

ALL AROUND I GO

FREE OF WORRY

FREE OF SIN

FREE TO WONDER

THE RIVER WITH NO WATER

TOOK ME WHERE IT FLOWED

IF YOU THINK ME A CRAZY MAN

I'LL BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO TO TELL YOU

THAT WORLD I LEFT WAS THE HAPPIEST WORLD I KNOW

MUSIC TRAVELED THROUGH ME

AS I MOVED THROUGH THE MAGIC RIDE

WHILE THE MULTI-COLORED SPINNING WAVES

TOOK ME FOR A SLIDE

AND IF YOU CALL ME DELIRIOUS

I'LL FONDLY RECALL MY MIND'S JOURNEY

AND LAUGH UNTIL I SIGH

Promises From China

If they're not manufacturing kids' toys with lead paint or contaminating pet food, toothpaste and milk with toxins, the folks in China just can't seem to get their heads out of their asses. Does anyone ever inspect anything over there before it gets shipped out to the public?

Today, China's Premier Wen Jiabo promised to improve Chinese food safety. While at the World Economic Forum, Wen said, "We plan not only to revitalize the food industry and the milk powder industry, we will try to ensure that all China-made products are safe for consumers and consumers can buy with assurance."

So far, over 50,000 children have been made ill by the milk they are distributing. Melamine, used to make plastics and fertilizer, has been found in the milk powder and was linked to kidney stones in children. Melamine, if you recall, was found in the pet food they distributed last year, resulting in hundreds of animal deaths. It was found out that adding melamine was a normal practice for them. It was added to fake higher protein levels. As a matter of fact, they've added melamine to quite a few products meant for consumption.

Melamine was used to make these plastic cups, plates and bowls.

"When this kind of problem of food safety occurs, we do not cover it up," Premier Jiabo said. "We face it candidly and have taken bold moves to address it. I think this has laid a good foundation for resolving problems."

Oh yeah? I don't think so. Your country has been quite good at covering that issue up and more. You can go on the internet and find many eye opening examples.

Can you imagine if this happened in the US? The class action suits that would already be filed?

You would think that modern day China could afford better testing equipment. They can afford to spend over 41 billion on big Olympic stadiums, big Olympic celebration whoopity doo's and so on. Why not fork over some money on equipment that will ultimately save lives? And why you're at it, adopt stricter measures and techniques when it comes to food inspection. Such as: Not putting melamine in all the food you produce. It's not meant for food, you fucking morons.

And give your people Human Rights, too.

Stop disgracing yourselves in front of the rest of the world.

An Officer Who Gives Until It Squirts

May the following film inspire you and fill your heart with joy and gladness.

Ice Cream Made With Human Booby Milk

PETA is asking Ben & Jerry's Homemade Ice Cream if it would start using human titty milk to make it's yummy frozen confections. No kidding. PETA says it would reduce the suffering of cows and produce a healthier treat for consumers. They wrote a letter to Ben & Jerry's that stated "cow's milk is hazardous and milking them is cruel."


I say that milking a human female till she produces enough milk to make a couple pints of ice cream may be cruel, too. From what I understand, those titty pumps kinda hurt. Where are they going to go to get that much booby milk? It's hard to picture an assembly line of women with pumps attached to them, getting enough of that stuff out of their breasts to produce that much ice cream. And who would volunteer for that job?

It takes about 12 pounds — or 1 1/2 gallons of milk — to make a gallon of ice cream. Ben & Jerry's, which gets its milk exclusively from Vermont cows, won't say how much milk it uses or how much ice cream it sells.




Besides all of this, I would be more concerned about the particular people they would be getting this milk from. I mean, are they healthy? More importantly, are they good looking?



The folks at Ben & Jerry's aren't going for the idea, of course. To them, the idea is udderly insane.



Ben & Jerry Spokesman Sean Greenwood, in an email, wrote:



We applaud PETA's novel approach to bringing attention to an issue, but we believe a mother's milk is best used for her child.



If Ben & Jerry's Homemade Ice Cream change their minds in the future, I would be ecstatic if they would consider a few possible flavors (including titles) I have come up with.



Consider....



"Mocha Mammary Delight" (for some reason I'm picturing Halle Barry on the front of the carton)



"Nice N' Nutty Nipples"



Or



"Boobilicious Berries and Cream"

Gosh, I'm Sure Gonna Hate To See Him Leave

From One Inquiring Mind To Another

Have you ever bumped into an old classmate from school and think, Holy Bejesus, they look like a pile of steaming shit or they've gotten fat as a cow or how in the hell have they managed to stay looking so good after so many years?

Chances are, they are most likely thinking one of those thoughts upon seeing you.

Have you ever gone into a restaurant, sat down, start eating the food and wonder if one of the cooks in the back put a booger in your food for any number of reasons?

I have. But I keep eating anyway.

Do you feel the need to be in constant communication with a friend or relative via cell phone, text messaging or some other electronic form of communication? Yes? No?

If you replied yes, would it be alright if I cut off your head, scoop out the crap and make a decorative planter out of your skull? I thought it would be more polite if to ask.

Have you ever been stuck in traffic or in a public place where there are just too many people? Have you ever thought about how nice it would be for a meteor to hit the planet and wipe out just enough people to cut down on your traffic time?

Has your boss or supervisor ever asked you to do something that made you uncomfortable?

Was it something called work?

If you saw a homeless person begging for food, would you....

A: Give them something to eat?
B: Ignore them?

Or C: Notice how "good" your old classmate looks after all these years?

Though it would have been a wonderful gesture on the part of our government leaders to have been more involved in searching and working on efforts to replace oil as our main source of energy and fuel in the last 20 years with a cleaner, cheaper source of energy, instead of looking out for themselves, isn't it gratifying to know that soon after the next major world war (over oil, likely) will be a return to the more simpler times of living in caves or huts, consuming food without chemicals and talking to one another, face to face?

In reality, though, I doubt it will be that nice with all the nuclear fallout and the sun being blocked out for hundreds of years. And so on. Actually, I worry most about the rich. Without their money and an economic system created to enslave everyone into being cogs in the Big Machine, the upper class may have a struggle coping with having to live without material luxuries and being forced to work to survive.

I will start praying for them right now. Here I go.

Why do people walk right in front of you in a busy parking lot without looking around to see if they're going to be hit by a car?

Do they have that much trust in me?

How sadly misguided.

Remember....

just a reminder because I care

This Video Shows What The War Really Means To Those Who Are Fighting There

New Video from Metallica off their "Death Magnetic" CD.

Can You Read This?

One of my wife's co-worker's sent this forward along to our email.

By the way, yes I can.

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

I guess if you could read the above paragraph, that means you're a genius, just like me.

heh heh

What A Knee Slapper

What a knee slapper it would be if you were to spray small, green paint splotches on a sandwich bag, place the bagged sandwich in the lunch container of that special someone (friend, spouse or a random dumb ass on the street) and watch them, during a break, open said lunch container to find a moldy looking sandwich. The victim, depressed that he/she has nothing to eat but a tiny bag of pretzels, feels hunger pangs in his/her belly.

That's when someone heroic like me or you comes along. Placing a comforting hand on the shoulder of your hungry victim, you nod your head, knowingly. You or I, then ask, "Havin' a bad day, friend?'

The victim says, "I sure am. I just found mold on my sandwich. I'm so hungry."

Then, without much ado, you or I say, "Allow me to help you."

Suddenly, you/I pull an electric wand out from behind your/my back and quickly plunge it deeply into your victim's eye socket, thus electrocuting him/her. The victim does a merry jig, screaming fanciful terms of endearment for his Lord O' Mighty. Yayhooo! Oh yes, indeed, Sparks Fly! Flesh Burns!

The merriment continues until your victim turns extra crispy. Then dinner is served.

OK, So I Guess That Last Post About Me Being Back Was A Joke

No excuses this time around. Call it burnout. Call it what ya will. I've been a baaaaaaad boy. Hey, I won't even say I'm back this time.



To say a lot has been going on is a huge understatement.



FOR ONE THING....



As my sister put it, God cut a "huge fart" this weekend. For those of you who don't know, Hurricane Ike destroyed a lot of homes and killed over 50 people. There are still folks needing help down in southern USA. Downed power lines, flooded homes, no electricity are just a few of the major problems still going on.



Anyway, what was left of that storm made it's way up to the Ohio Valley. My neck of the woods. Sunday, I found myself holding onto my satellite dish for dear life. While 60 mph gusts wind blew, I was trying to bolt down my dish to my balcony bannister because it was threatening to take off to the moon, or at least, my large balcony glass window. Which would have hurt.



God's Fart (the remains of Hurricane Ike), made quite a mess up here in the states of Indiana, Ohio and Kentucky. Downed trees, siding and roofs partially ripped off houses, no power and so on. But, of course, it could be much worse. You could have lost your home, provided you live(d) in the state of Texas or one of it's neighboring states.



It's best to keep things in perspective.

What Would You Say If This Just Crawled Out Of Your Ass?

I was just wondering? Errrr... yeah.