Hot Air Released From The Valve

In the mid to late 1990's, I was writing a zine called "Psycho Carnival". A zine is a self published small magazine. It can contain editorials, cartoons, stories or whatever. I would get mine altogether every 3 months and sell it to people around the country buy placing advertisements in other zines. It was a small mag that I put together to rid myself of all these ideas and thoughts about bad government, big corporations and psychotic clowns named Jeepo. You know, the usual. Anyway, I never made any kind of profit off it but it was a cathartic experience. A valve opening to let out hot air. Which some think, I may be full of.

It was an enjoyable, sometimes difficult time. But some things are well worth the effort.

Here's the poem I created for the zine. It was on the back of every issue that came out during those 3 years. It kinda sums up the jibe of PC, both in zine and online form. Nobody has ever told me what they thought of this poem. Maybe I'm too subtle. Heh, yeah.

LAUGH

From the natal gate
You're pushed out and into
This insanity-go-round
Where dizziness and gaiety abound

Come experience the wonder
Become awed by the hate
Join us in our apathy
Of which I'm sure you'll appreciate

Place your cookies in the oven
Listen to them bake
Pour yourself a cup of envy
And pretend that it's a steak

Oh it's going to be a bumpy ride
Oh it's awfully ironic inside
When you are thrown by this rotating pie
This carnival

Stomach Pump Surprise

I was perusing the net, attempting find a decent recipe for risotto, when I stumbled upon some recipes that seemed to require a stomach pump after consuming the cuisine. For your enjoyment, I kept a few of them to display to those of you with the more discriminating palette.


BEAVER IN SOUR CREAM

1 Beaver, skinned and cleaned
1 ts Salt
1/2 c Vinegar
1/4 ts Paprika
1 tb Salt
1/4 c Butter
2 qt Water
1 md Onion, sliced
2 ts Soda
1/2 c Water
1/2 c Flour
1 c Sour cream

1. Soak beaver overnight in solution of 1/2 cup vinegar and 1 tablespoon salt in cold water to cover.
2. The next day, remove the beaver from the brine, wash and cover with solution of 2 teaspoons soda to 2 quarts of water. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer 10 minutes.
3. Drain and rinse beaver and cut into serving pieces.
4. Dredge each piece of meat thoroughly in the seasoned flour.
5. Melt butter in a heavy fry pan and brown the pieces of meat.
6. Transfer meat to a greased casserole, slice onions over top, add water and bake at 325 degrees F. until tender.
7. When meat is almost tender, add 1 cup sour cream to the casserole. Stir well and continue cooking until tender. Serves 4.

Yes, but, where can I go to find fresh beaver? Oh, dam!



The following dish could be described as both a hearty desert and tasty entree.


TUNA TWINKIE SOUFFLE

1 Tbl rendered chicken fat, divided
12 Hostess Twinkies
Salt
White Pepper
1/2 tsp dry mustard
4 eggs, separated
2 cans tuna in oil, drained, reserve oil

Preheat oven to 350 F

Grease a 7-inch soufflé dish with 1 tsp of chicken fat and 1 tsp tuna oil. Slice Twinkies in half lengthwise. Remove and reserve cream filling. In a large food processor, combine Twinkie cakes, half of the Twinkie filling, and the remaining chicken fat and tuna oil.

Blend until the mixture has reached the consistency of a thin batter. Transfer ingredients to a medium saucepan and cook over low heat. Stir in salt, white pepper, and mustard. Remove from heat. Beat in egg yolks, one at a time, beating thoroughly after each addition. Fold in tuna. In a medium bowl, beat egg whites until stiff but not dry. Fold beaten egg whites into tuna mixture. Pour into greased soufflé dish. Bake in 350 oven 40 to 45 minutes, or until puffed and golden brown. Top with remaining Twinkie cream.

Serve with a tossed salad.
Including the tossed salad in with this meal ensures that you'll be engaging in healthy eating.


Weird Ant Brood Tacos Recipe

Ingredients:

2 Tablespoons Butter
1/2 Pound Ant Larvae and Pupae
3 Serrano Chilies, raw , finely chopped
1 Tomato
finely chopped Pepper
1 handful Cilantro, Chopped
Taco Shells

To Serve Procedure: Heat the butter in a frying pan and fry the larvae or pupae. Add the chopped onions, chilies, and tomato, and season with salt. Sprinkle with ground pepper, cumin, and oregano, to taste. Serve in tacos and garnish with cilantro.

Eeeeeeeeeew, that sounds spicy.


NORTH CAROLINA CANKER WORM SORBET
And finally, a delicious desert to top it all off.

1 cup canker worms- toasted, this can be done in the oven at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 20 minutes turning half way through.

Canker worms should be gathered in the early spring before April 10th otherwise they become too large and tough. Be sure to remove all silk threads they use for dropping from the trees as these impart a bitter taste.

2 cups of tomato juice
1 egg white
1 tbsp of tomato paste
Juice of 2 limes
½ cup sugar
1 cup of water
6 tbsp minced basil leaves
Fresh basil leaves for garnish
Salt and pepper to taste
Dash of Tabasco, if desired
3 oz Vodka

In a bowl, lightly beat the egg white. Whisk in the tomato juice, tomato paste, canker worms, lemon juice, sugar, basil, salt, pepper and cayenne pepper. Transfer the mixture to an ice-cream machine and freeze according to manufacturer's directions. Scoop the mixture into serving dishes and garnish with the canker worms and basil leaves. Serve the sorbet with a dash of Vodka.

Hope these recipes whet your appetite, everyone!

Pack Rat Fishing Master

Surrounded by heaps of books, rubber bands, fishing gear, compact discs, old baseball cards, toilet paper and all things manly, I am writing this post. Hell, and I've mentioned just a few things in this little room I affectionately call the "computer room". It should be called the "Heaps O' Infinite Shit Room".

My wife threatens to throw it all out the door, at least once a week. My response is, "Yeah, but I need all this stuff". That doesn't even earn a laugh from her anymore, just the usual look of disgust. I'm a huge procrastinator. I'm consistently telling myself I'll clean this little room out but I can't seem to lift my ass up to get it done. There are some things in here, I actually DO need. Well. the toilet paper, for one. I think the wife would agree with me on that one. After all, I can't pick up one of my hairy cats and use them. That particular action could cause them a wee bit of stress. Not only that, but one of them might get a bit testy with the deed and hook a claw in my tender buttocks or scrotum.

Then I would not be a happy camper.

Since I mentioned fishing gear, I would like to mention I've been getting lucky with the fish, as of late. And when I say "lucky", I don't mean I've been getting into their pants. Not that I believe fish wear pants. Uh.... let's move on. Anyway, on my first fishing trip this year, I caught 12 large mouth bass. On the second trip, I proved myself to be an even bigger manly man by catching 13. This last time, however, I was only able to subdue, hook and snare eight of them.

The sun was in my eyes. You know.

My friend caught this whale of a catfish. It was around two and a half feet long. That's right. I'm American. I'm too good for the metric system. So there! Anyway, this monster had a belly on him. Later, the audience that came later, were witnesses to what was in that belly and part of it looked like shiny, grey silly putty. There was some green gravy and blood coming out of it's guts, too. My sister was the one who pounded the big nail through it's head on the board, then skinned and filleted him. I came over at one point, during the flesh carving and saw something curious. I pointed at this white, apple sized sac inside the catfish and asked, "What the hell is that?" She replied, "I don't really know." "Poke it!", I shouted, with childlike glee.

And so she did. And we heard a faint whoosh come out of it. The white sac deflated. It was the lungs. Mystery solved.

I wish there were some moral to this tale to tell but there isn't. I just thought it was kinda cool.
You know. How it went whoosh.