Laugh Out Loud Award

Although I've received this fantastic and ego inflating award once before, I am nevertheless extremely grateful to the incredibly humorous and clever blogger, LilPixi, who has bestowed it upon me this time. I consider myself fortunate to have discovered this genuinely talented blogger. LilPixi jam packs her blog, It's a Lollipop World, with the craziest, funniest writing you'll ever come across. Take a gander inside her maniacal mind and check her out.

Late last week, I found out I was given this award and it really made my head swell even bigger than it already is, if that's possible. My head is the exact size and shape as a hot air balloon. All you would have to do is tie a goddamn basket to my ass and off we'll go, up up and away.

You know, no matter how many times you've received a certain award for anything in life, the award should always be taken as a badge or symbol of appreciation and high regard for whatever that person is being awarded for. Unless the award is for running over people who take their time crossing a parking lot at a supermarket. I don't think you should take delight in driving over some slow fuck who is staring directly at you, daring you to make a move, while he or she deliberately inches across the pavement like an lumbering elephant with a sagging uterus.

Eh, I'm just kidding. Go ahead and crush their obnoxious asses into a peanut-buttery paste. But don't say I encouraged you. If you should attribute your perfectly acceptable act of violence toward me, please use my other name, MasterHeathen, as the genius in your head that told you to slowly crush the defiant pedestrian beneath your wheels. Sure, they might look at you funny, but hey, at least I'll avoid being sued or held accountable in any way. And surely, isn't that what's really important in all this?

In accepting this award, there a few rules you are supposed to follow.

The Rules

1. Link to the person who gave you this award (in a post, or in your sidebar, wherever you have this).
2. Pass the award along to seven other people who post about at least slightly amusing things and tell them (by emailing them or commenting on a post, etc.).
3. Say seven things about yourself that no one knows (or at least you think no one knows).
4. Pass these rules on.

As usual, I will do my own thing and follow some rules but not others. For instance you are supposed to list 7 little known facts about yourself. This, I am more than happy to do because I enjoy talking about my modest and humble self. Linking to the person who gave the award is something I'm more than happy to do, especially since it's LilPixi we're talking about here. As for passing it along, I'm just going to say this... If you're on my blogroll, you should automatically assume that I think you deserve this award (I only put people on my blogroll who I believe are humorous) and you should take it, if you care to, and place it on your own blog and follow the rules or not.

And without further ado, here are the 7 magical, awe-inspiring things that you may or may not know about sweet lil' ol' me:

(prepare to be astounded)

#1- My favorite color is teal.

#2- I've been in the following locations: Florida, Texas, Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Indiana, Ohio, Illinois, Wyoming, Iowa, Washington, D.C., West Virginia, South Dakota, Michigan, Grand Cayman Islands, The Bahamas and Cozumel, Mexico.

#3- Where I'd like to visit, in no particular order: California, Canada, Italy, Greece, Hawaii, Australia (when there isn't an impending category 5 cyclone creating chaos there) and the Western Caribbean Islands we weren't able to visit during our cruise in August last year.

#4- When I was a kid, I made believe that the Hot Wheels cars I played with were alive. I even gave them names, such as, The Captain, The Major, Christine, the secretary, Sergeant and the royal guards. There were more character names but I can't think of them at the moment.

I might also add that even when I was a kid, I would employ and move these cars about so that they would drive over little human figurines. So I guess I was a little warped even back then. Tee hee.

#5- I love seafood.

#6- I like ketchup but I don't care for tomatoes. I like potatoes but I don't care for guacamole. Coincidence? Why, I'm not sure but I feel these facts should be taken into deep consideration and then ignored for a bit before going to bed and having a strange dream that causes you to awaken and wonder just what the fuck is going on here.

Which brings me to...

#7- I had a strange dream last night where I was taken somewhere to have my elbow pushed and rolled over an ink pad, as if I were being fingerprinted (only on the elbow, instead) for a possible crime (perhaps vehicular homicide?). After the uniformed person rolled my elbow across the ink pad, they took me into custody. Soon afterwards, I found myself at my parents' old house and I heard a strange sounding doorbell. The doorbell sounded like a wind chime.

Everyone rushed to the front door and seemed excited. The front door was opened and before me was an old friend, dragging one foot across the snow covered lawn, holding a tiny Christmas tree. I ran up to him to take the tree and I saw that it was lit up with little lights. One of the little lights dropped into the snow and in the moment that followed, the light grew in size to become a spaceship. With much enthusiasm, everyone encouraged me to climb aboard the spacecraft and so I did.

That's when I woke up, rubbed the eye snot from my eyes and struggled to make my way into the kitchen. Before I could make it to the counter to make myself a pot of coffee, I looked outside to see my wind chimes blowing in a sudden gust of wind. Then I thought about the dream again.

Yes, these are my wind chimes on my balcony. And yes, this is the end of my post. Kind of anti-climatic, I know, but somehow, some way, I'll get over it. :)