Toadie in "Happy Anniversary"

Maggie was the first of the two to wake up that morning when she heard the knock on her bedroom door. She knew it would have taken more than that to stir Rufus from his slumber. Maggie brushed her red hair from her eyes and then struggled to say, "Yes, Toadie... I'm up." She gave Rufus a slap on his bare ass to awaken him. Rufus' eyes opened wide.

"What the hell?" he asked, perturbed.

Toadie opened the door, immediately and waddled his short stocky self over to Maggie. Maggie saw the tray he was carrying. It had two covered plates of food on it, along with two glasses of juice and plastic eating utensils. Rufus and Maggie had found out the hard way that due to Toadie's condition, having sharp objects in the house was not a wise option.

It was one year to the day, that Rufus and Maggie had taken Toadie into their home. When they had found him, he was in an alley, between a burnt down house and a pet shop. He had been pacing back and forth, mumbling to himself. What was left of the house had been Toadie's home. His second cousin, Ralphy, lived with him and took care of him. Unfortunately, for Toadie, Ralphy had set himself and the small house they lived in on fire with a lit cigarette, while falling asleep. Toadie had been four blocks away at the park that early evening, throwing rocks in a man made pond, unaware of the fire at the time. When he smelled smoke, faintly, he thought he had cut a fart, without realizing it.

While Maggie and Rufus walked towards the pet shop to look at puppies for sale, they spotted Toadie in the alley. Feeling sorry for him, they took him to their home. And there, he stayed. Instead of getting a dog that day, they gained a Toadie.

Toadie went over to Maggie's side of the bed with the surprise breakfast.

"Toadie made you something special," explained Toadie, "It's our one year anniversary together, you know."

"Yes," said Rufus, still rubbing his eyes, "We know. Great, isn't it?"

His sarcasm was completely lost on Toadie. It wasn't that Rufus didn't care for Toadie. It was the fact that Toadie could be difficult to take care of, at times. And waking up from a sound sleep by a slap on the ass wasn't helping his mood.

Maggie showed her routine act of excitement. "Wow! What did you make for us this time, Sir Toadie?"

Toadie raised the plastic cover from one plate and said, triumphantly, "Toadie made you eggs and brownies and juice! Almost everything here was made from Toadie!"

Rufus roused himself from bed and stuck his feet in slippers before correcting Toadie. "You mean almost everything here was made by you, not from you. Two different things."

"Okay," said Toadie, as he set the tray of food on the wooden chest at the foot of the bed. He smiled, gleefully, while digging his hand into his pajama bottoms. Maggie saw him scratching his nutsack and quickly turned her head back to the tray of food, wondering if he had done that before making breakfast. She thought, If I smell a sweaty man's scrotum just before I take a bite out his brownie, I'm going to be ill and then I'll have to make some lame excuse up in order not to eat it.

Rufus grabbed Maggie's plate and his own off the chest. Famished from last light's lovemaking, Rufus didn't hesitate digging into his eggs. Short, hefty Toadie jumped up and down, excitedly, clapping his hands. He was so overjoyed that his "bestist buddy" Rufus really liked the eggs. Toadie was about to walk out of the room before Rufus caught Toadie's attention.

"Hey, Toadie!"

Toadie turned around, full of glee, expecting a compliment.

"Yes, Rufus, my bestist buddy in the whole world."

Maggie had already eaten her brownie, finding it to be more delicious than she had expected, when she turned towards Rufus. She was hoping Rufus was going to be a little nicer to him than when he first woke up this morning.

Rufus inquired, "Is this some kind of Hollandaise sauce over the eggs?"

Toadie shook his head, rapidly, indicating it was not. Maggie looked at the sauce covering her eggs and thought it looked familiar.

"No, Silly Nilly," answered Toadie, "Toadie made that special sauce out of his own man seed."

Rufus said, "I... I don't get... what you mean by that." He was clearly nervous.

Toadie exclaimed, "That's Toadie's semen, you dumbass!"

Rufus projectile vomited, sending his eggs with special sauce across the room. He continued to puke for several minutes until he had the dry heaves. Rufus thought he was going to die with the pain so great as it was.

Maggie became distressed, her eyes watering when asked, "And how did you make the brownies, Toadie?"

Cheerfully, Toadie shouted, "Toadie makes Toadie's brownies with only the finest ingredients!"

Maggie hesitated for a moment and then asked, "So what did you use, Toadie?"

Toadie laughed at Maggie's "dumbness" and said, "Why Maggie, Toadie used his very own asshole and a scoop to get Toadie's shit out for the brownies. Toadie even left in the kernals of popcorn from his shit. Oh, and I added flour, eggs and chocolate, too. " Toadie was so pleased with himself and his wonderful gesture of fixing his friends such a fine breakfast, that he immediately pissed himself, creating a small pool around his bare feet.

Maggie retched, violently, puke splattering all over the bedsheets. She suddenly remembered thinking that, while eating Toadie's brownie, she had detected some little nuts of some kind. But, she thought, Those weren't nuts. With this last thought, she vomited with such force, poop spurted out of her anus. Toadie sniffed the air, smelling Maggie's excrement. Excited once more, Toadie exclaimed, "Oh boy, Maggie is going to make some more brownies for us!"