I Go Away For A Month And The Whole World Goes To Hell

But that's what happens when I'm gone and I will not accept it lightly. No sir, I'm going to have to form my "Army Of Darkness" and root out the cold and the greedy bastards that got us in this bottomless shit hole. When are we going to stop the robbing of the American poor and middle class and make those greedy bastards pay, in various ways, like torture, for instance?

Hey, just an idea.





Ooopsie. I'm letting my psychotic side show.







And what about this Octo-Mom shit? All of this attention paid to a dumb bitch who gets off on dumpin' lil' rug rats out of her vaginal cavity. Can't we pour some cement in that overused hole between her legs? Good gravy!






Anyway, as you may have noticed, I've been gone for close to a month from my emails, my blog and everyone else's blogs. And so on. For that, I apologize.




I was going to bore you as to why I've been away. But you might get violent.


Instead, I shall tell you of a wonderful secret. Tomorrow, we are taking our cat, Mufasa, to the vet. Long-haired and full of bite, Mufasa will cheerfully take a chunk out of your hand if you gently pet her. For free, even. Mufasa's fur is heavily matted and she is so fat she can't lick her back, asshole or junk anymore. I think female cats can have junk, can't they? Hell, I don't know.



We put her on a kitty treadmill once, wearing a jogging suit. That didn't work. We feed her diet food. That doesn't work either. And I've tried chasing her, frantically, around the house while I've yelled, "Whoop! Whoop! Heeba Bah Jeeba!"



Anyhoo, we are getting her put out, to avoid injury to all involved and letting the vet's assistants have the joy of shaving her. Heh heh.





I'll take a picture of her when they're done with her and she's recouped for awhile. I'll post the picture on my next post.






And what about the nun and the alter boy? Will they ever find happiness in their one bedroom apartment? Sometimes you have to wonder.

The Perfect Valentine's Day Gift For Her

Good news for all you guys out there. Finally, a gift you can give to that special someone that shows how much you care and how much style you've got up inside ya. Don't waste your money on candy or flowers.

I'm talking about Real Squirrel's Feet Earrings. Beautiful, affordable and quite fashionable. Your lady will be the talk of the town. And if ya go to this website, you can order the Real Squirrel's Feet Necklace to match the earrings.

What joy you'll bring to your significant other! Expect to be showered with kisses when she receives this! Woo Hoo!

Big Deal About Michael Phelps Pot Smoking

The media is getting all worked up about the trivial pot smoke break Mike took during a college party. He has apologized profusely for his "indiscretion" since the picture came out. The uptights call Michaels's bong hit inappropriate behaviour for the kids or anyone else looking at him as a hero. I say, "Fuck 'em." And, by the way, don't teach your kids to look at anybody as a hero. That's inappropriate behaviour for a parent. In reality, there are no heroes. There are only normal every day people trying to do the best they can.

Furthermore....

Tell me which is the more appropriate behaviour for a 23-year-old male: taking a bong hit at a party or swimming an average of 50 miles a week? There's no need to take too long thinking about that.

Kellogg's has dropped him, as a sponsor, so I guess he won't be on any of their cereal box covers. To them, I say, "Fuck you." To his other sponsors, that have still have common sense, I say, "Bravo" for honoring and respecting Phelps by not allowing a trivial matter cloud your judgement. Phelps doesn't need Kellogg's, anyway. He's got 16 gold Olympic medals for his magnificent achievements, the respect of his team mates and more important things going for him than some cereal company can ever hope to compete with.