Who Is Batman?

When I was a little rug rat, I'd often put my Batman costume on (big towel for a cape and mask) and run around the house, screaming, "Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da BATMAN!"

Hell, I still do.

Oh shit. You believe it, don't you?

But really, early on, I thought Batman was cool. I had the Batman mask. The Batman periscope toy. The Batman dolls. But, uh, I wouldn't consider it a doll. Ahem. I watched the campy 1960's show and would sing the "DA DA DA Batman" theme song over and over until mom and dad would tell me to shut my yap. Today, he is still my favorite superhero. Spidey comes in a far second.

For those of you who do not know who the greatest superhero of all time is, I give you this no-frills description:

Batman is a fictional comic book superhero, co-created by artist Bob Kane and writer Bill Finger(although only Kane receives official credit) and published by DC Comics. The character first appeared in Detective Comics #27 (May 1939). Batman's secret identity is Bruce Wayne, a wealthy playboy and industrialist.

But here's a better one:

Batman, for me, is a very human hero. He has faults like the rest of us. He's damaged, like some of us. When he saw his parents being murdered, it scarred him for life. I've always felt sorry for the character. This hero uses his mind and his inventions to battle foes. There are no superpowers he can fall back on. Batman prefers to work alone because he is afraid of the harm that may happen to those who assist him in his fight against the evil and corrupt. He has had his share of sidekicks, however, like Robin and Batgirl. He is a prime detective, as well. Using his wits, he will employ every source of information to find clues that will lead him to a villain or a cure for some illness a villain has spread. Lastly, Batman wages a war of good and evil within himself, almost continuously. In this degree, I believe we can all say the same about ourselves.

I'm really looking forward to the new movie. I enjoyed the last one. It really gave Batman more depth. It opens in US theatres, nationwide, July 18th. I'll be there, dude, singing, "Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Batman!'

And then, the audience will pounce upon me like a gang of crazed hyenas.

Great Pranks

The last few posts have been pretty damned heavy handed. Well it's time to take a well deserved break from that. We need some damned levity and jolly good fun around here. And, by gosh, it's going to start right now. How? Why by having fun at the expense of others, of course.

Recently, I posted a topic of discussion over at blogcatalog.com. I asked, what's the best prank you ever pulled? www.blogcatalog.com/discuss/entry/whats-the-best-prank-youve-ever-pulled

The following entries are the best so far. Enjoy. Links to the prank author's website have been added to each one.


Shad0w
Here is a short list:

1. Filled garbage can full of water. Leaned said garbage can up against neighbor's dorm room door. They opened door and turned their room into a pool.

2. Emptied a bag of 1,000 frozen lady bugs behind closet of another neighbor in my college dorm. Frozen lady bugs do not die when frozen, so when they thaw out they are quite alive. The entire building became infested with lady bugs.

3. Coated the door knobs of my dorm neighbor's with a fish paste fertilizer. It is extremely sticky and smells horrific. It is also really hard to remove with household soaps.

4. Placed explicit porn videos in friend's luggage knowing his mother unpacked his luggage when he visited home during college. He made mommy do his laundry. She was disappointed to discover he watched "Santa Cums Butt Once a Year."There are quite a few more, but my mind is tired. blog.seattle-duiattorney.com

kellybax
We used to go camping a lot when I was young. My sister and I got those little white popper firecracker things...you know what I am talking about? You throw them to the ground and they crack/pop loudly...forgot what they are really called. Anyway, we would go to the showers/bathrooms at the campground and stick them under the toilet sinks. Then we would go outside and wait for someone to go in and use the toilet. Someone would sit on it and it would POP and they would shriek. It really was hilarious! www.kellybax.com

HaplessHermit
I taped a hardcore gay porn pic to the back of my friends credit card. The cashier sure did look at him funny when he handed her the card. haplesshermit.typepad.com

calais50
I know of a guy in my town whose friends held him down at his bachelor party the night before his wedding and painted his...um...member blue.Also, I worked at the YMCA when I was in college and people were always playing pranks. There was a girl from Costa Rica who worked at the front desk. These 2 camp counselors who worked there kept asking her to page people-only they weren't real people, just dirty names. So I would be working and suddenly hear things like this on the PA system: "Mike Hunt please come to the front desk, Mike Hunt." bobbygrl.blogspot.com

RTBjr73
Back in the NAVY, we had a guy on our ship that got into a tech school and was shipping out the next day to Tennessee (We were stationed in Virginia Beach). we took him out, got him all plastered, until he passed out at the hotel room, flat out on the floor with the bottle of Jack still in his hand. We got a couple of girls to do some "Girls Gone Wild pictures with him, then me and three other "good pals" tea-bagged him while taking pictures of that. Two weeks later, I receive a phone call from Tennessee, from our buddy, calling us everything but human beings, since his wife received the pictures in the mail.Two months later he called us thanking us for helping expedite the divorce. No One ever liked the bible thumping winch. emailrubbish.blogspot.com

sdk1988
It wasn't me but a friend had a family reunion in California, picked her up at the airport, she'd never been to his house, he got her all stoked that the fam was waiting to see her, he dropped her off, said go on in, and he'd park the car, it wasn't even his house! She walked in on complete strangers... good thing they had a sense of humor! soul-to-soul.com

Bradley310
This one took a lot of timing and a lot of assistance:Created an imaginary friend for a friend of mine. We'll call the imaginary one Fred and my real friend Buddy.1. Buddy would meet up with a group of friends and they'd tell him that Fred just left.2. Someone would see Buddy and tell him Fred had been asking for him. 3. His mother would leave messages that Fred had just called.This drove Buddy crazy and he started imagining he knew Fred and who he was. After 30 days on April Fools day we told him the truth. Fortunately he thought it was hysterical. howisbradley.blogspot.com

cooper
I am not much of a prankster though one time last summer I was at a friends home where the guest bathroom window was where the outside deck was. There was a bunch of people sitting around on lounges and chairs talking there most of the night.Myself an another person hatched this plan early on - we opened the bathroom window (it was close to where everyone was sitting) and went about our business for an hour or so. Finally I loaded up several gallons of water maybe 7 or 9 I can't remember. and stored them under the sink, he was sitting with the group under the window and excused himself to use the bathroom. He goes in and with the window open he starts slowly pouring the water into the toilet bowl. From the outside it sounded like the loudest and longest p-ss anyone had ever taken - the looks on the faces of these people was at first shock because they could h ear him, then awe and amazement at the duration of the event..it honestly went on forever and the whole shocked awe and embarrassed looks of these people was great. wonderlandornot.net

wenfri
Called my baby sister Nancy from work. Or should say a friend did. April Fool's Day ya know. She works for the Railroad and had just got off work. At any rate he called her pretending to be an hour away and asked for instructions to get to her house for a delivery. She says I didn't order anything. He says "Well I got this here Transport truck full of canned Tuna. Coming from Florida ". She freaked. Course she is tired. LOL . She begins emptying her garage, neighbors garage etc.She waited, and waited and waited some more. So I called her back after lunch. I had to wait and let her stew about it. Her comment was (not a very nice one either) I don't have F**king time right now. WAiting for this stupid ******* ***** driver for over 2 hours now and still no show. Called her back 1/2 hour later and she is fuming by now. All I said was April Fool's and hung up. Took about 10 minutes. She had called my house looking for me and then called me at work. Yup good thing she was 3 hours away or she would have killed me. LOL. wendysreel.com

And lastly, I'd like to add one of my own....

I had some wholesome fun with a Jehovah's Witness one day. Two of them, actually. They knocked on the door. I opened it. Then the preaching came out of their mouths in a fast paced slew of words. I pretended to listen, with a calm demeanor. Then I told them I have already been saved by my sweet lord, Lucifer. They gave me puzzled looks. I continued to explain why Satan was my best buddy and how he could offer them the same deal I got for my soul. For a few moments, they just stood there, but then they commenced to explain why their choice of religion was better. While they blathered, I rolled my eyes to the back of my head. At this, they stopped. I raised my arms high into the air and shouted, "Blasphemy!" Then I growled. They left quickly when I did that.

By the way, I'm not a Satanist. I was just having fun with the Witnesses because I find them annoying. They always seem to knock on the door just when you're about to eat or watch a favorite tv show. They're as bad as telemarketers. Heh heh.

Send all hate mail and pranks to me at: masterheathen@yahoo.com
I shall file them into the appropriate bins.

Chaos From Above

Yesterday, my sister and I were on the phone discussing what, if any damage, we had incurred during the rash of severe thunderstorms that have passed through our area the last couple of days. I told her that the only things we saw on top the hill where we live were big trees bending over from high winds and buckets of rain coming down. The she related to me what happened at her place, three towns away from us.

She wrote an email to family and friends, describing the events, along with pictures of the damage the storms had caused. I've included one of those photos and her description of what happened.

"We had big winds and not big fun on Tuesday & Wednesday. The main casualties were the pear tree, the swing set, and the big white pine between our house and the driveway. The pear tree had survived 2 lightening strikes and gobs of termites and wood-pecker feedings. Now it is snapped at about 1/3 of the way up and the top 2/3rds broke the swing set down. The big, majestic white pine in front of the house was snapped from about 15' up and the top was tossed across the driveway onto our little camper."

"I had been having one of my twice-a-year phone conversations w/ Gretchen when the lightening began. Ironically, part of our conversation was about my (flaky?) continual awareness of my role in protecting my kids and my interest in self-preservation, self-defense, etc. Anywho, all hell kind of broke loose about 2 minutes after I hung up the phone. The rain became torrential. Lightening strikes seemed to occur very close to the house. The whole house felt like it was getting sucked, and the noise from the wind and snapping branches became almost deafening. It was like the whole house was in a giant car wash. I yelled for the kids to get their shoes and socks on, grabbed 2 flashlights and a hatchet, and then we went into the mouth of hell that is our storm cellar."

During my phone conversation, my sister related that the storm cellar was flooded with water and infested with spiders and God knows what else.

Photo of some of the damage.
There were reports that several tornadoes had touched down in towns close to our general area. One tornado caused a tree to slam down on the back of my friend's house in Rising Sun, IN. He's still not completely sure of the destruction, if any, it has caused. I'm going to go there tomorrow and check it out for myself.

I remember 1974 as the year for the worst tornado outbreak in this country. On April 3 and 4 of '74, three hundred and fifteen people had lost their lives to the 148 tornadoes that swept across the country. I believe those of us in the tri-state area of Ohio, Indiana and Kentucky were hit the hardest. Sayler Park in Ohio was devastated.

During that time, I was 10 years old. It was an exciting time for my sister and I. Not so for my parents. We were huddled in the basement, in the dark of our spooky family room, with flashlights and a radio. We listened to the warnings, the directions the tornadoes were taking and so on. The thunder and sounds of hail stones were giving us headaches, they were so loud. Everyone once in a while, mom or dad went upstairs to get us something to eat from the kitchen or to briefly look out the windows. Mom was trying to calm us down. She was scared. Of course, dad was, too. I bet we spent at least 12 to 14 hours down there. Later, when it was all over, mom would have terrible nightmares about us being sucked up by twisters, for a long time.

The highlight of our experience was when dad decided to have a look out our basement window and shouting out that there was a tornado coming down over the hill. My heart stopped a beat. I felt like crapping my pants. I ran out of the family room and got to see my first tornado. It was surreal, nightmarish. A long, dark, snaky creature connected to the sky. Dad commanded me to go the family room. By then, my sister and mom joined dad and I and saw the thing for themselves. We were freaked out, to say the least.

Lucky for us, the tornado turned toward the east and lifted above the ground before coming toward the house. Hours later, when it was all over with and the skies had cleared, my sister and I went out into the yard and collected baseball sized hail stones and put them in the cooler. We wanted to have souvenirs. It was dad's idea and I was eager to do it, too. Heh heh.

We were joined minutes later by neighbors who related their experiences during the event. It seemed everyone came into our yard, talking and laughing, expressing how fortunate we were to be alive. It was like a festival, of sorts. What a grand ol' time we had, after the potential for tornado sucking death had dissipated.

This is what the tornado, close to mom and dad's place, looked like. Lighter though, in color.

Here's a link to the video showing the events of the tornado outbreak of 1974. Includes footage of the tornadoes that swept the tri-state area.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOM8SPNGLhY