Baby and a Snake

Some crazy parents in India believe, according to their religion, that it is good luck for a baby to touch a snake or for a snake to touch it. Either way, it's fucking stupid. This video clip freaked me out. It's been around for a couple years but it's the first time I've seen it.

Sandwich Envy

My wife said she was having trouble sleeping. I suggested that she puff on my peter and drink the baby gravy out of it. I added, "For a better, more sounder sleep". So... after a few minutes of pondering this advice, she decided to cut my junk off. She laughed. I laughed.

It's all good in the neighborhood.

Seriously, though, I took her to a Red Robin restaurant for her birthday. It just opened. Red Robin restaurants are a national chain across the country that feature huge gourmet burgers on their menus. The hamburgers they have are really good. They also have what they call Bottomless Fries -which means you can have all the steak fries (garlic and Parmesan cheese as optional topping) you can chow down on. Their gourmet burgers have names like Bonzai Burger, Whiskey River Burger and so forth.

My wife was eating a Bonzai Burger this time around. The Bonzai Burger has on it -a third pound beef patty, lettuce, slice of pineapple, teriyaki sauce and cheese. She said it was really good.

But I could tell it was messy as hell, too. I watched her as she ate it. At one point she said, "It's so meaty, I can hardly get my mouth around it." Because of what she said and the sight of the hamburger juices dribbling down her chin while she ate, I developed "Sandwich Envy". I knew she would never say something like that about my penis so I got really mad, stamped my feet and growled, "You never say that about my meat kabobbin!"

Things got quiet, suddenly. Everyone looked at us. I laughed hard. My wife cut off my junk.

The End.

Need Help Around The House?

Toadie in "Road Rage Spectacular"

Reggie was honking his horn and beating on the steering wheel, angry and frustrated from the traffic jam. The guy and female passenger in front of his Chevy would stick their heads out their windows, laughing and giving him "the fuck you" sign of peace every so often. On this hot August day, this was pissing Reggie off to the point where he was thinking about killing a few people, namely, the fuckwads in front of him.

The interstate, Reggie and the fuckwads was on, long and heavily congested. The longer people had to wait to get home from work or wherever, the angrier they got.

When Reggie reached the maximum limit of his patience, the female fuckwad in front stuck her naked, zit-covered ass up against the back windshield. Bad timing. Reggie had pulled back his powered-up car far enough to create some distance between them.

Reggie revved up his engine and cut loose, in every way imaginable and otherwise. Without haste, Reggie plowed into the car in front of him, obliterating the car's back bumper, sending the girl soaring over her front seat, with the end result of her head cracking the front windshield and her blood dribbling down the glass. Tim, her multi-talented sex partner, was shocked. And bleeding profusely from the crash. Upon impact, his face had smashed into the steering wheel of his car with enough force to break his nose and almost all of his teeth.

Tim was dazed and bleeding heavily, but anger took over. He found the strength to stomp on the gas peddle and ram Reggie's car. That was the idea, anyway. Reggie was smart enough to drive around the cars in front of him... just before Tim got to him. Instead Tim's car hit a large white truck. A muscular man got out of this big truck, with a baseball bat, full of deadly intent.

Tim, depressed that he missed Reggie's car, fondled his girlfriend's titties, for comfort. She, in turn, had just enough strength to pull a nine millimeter out of her purse and put a smoking hole in Tim's forehead. She smiled, suffering through blood soaked eyes and died, instantly, thereafter.

Toadie had been calmly watching the ensuing mayhem. Other drivers were getting involved, as well, cursing and screaming. Some were threatening. Some screaming and threatening.

That's when Toadie got out his machine gun and various knives that had been nestled safely in his special "Toolkit Of Death". After masturbating to the thought of killing everyone in sight, Toadie, truly armed to the fucking teeth, got out of his vehicle and said, with pride, "Toadie make everyone's day much brighter with the color of crimson and other shades of red. Ahoy!"

Still hard as a rock, Toadie stood, triumphantly, and shot everyone on sight, laughing hard as heads popped open like fresh spring cantaloupe or something. When the tv and newspaper media vehicles got to the scene, they were killed by Toadie, as well. Their blood lovingly pooled and then drifted off into a sea of red and eventually swelled on the ground and cement... forming small oceans.

No one could defend themselves with Toadie's deadly skills against them. Minutes later, the smoke cleared.

No longer -was the screaming heard. No more vehicles were exploding from Toadie's favorite bazooka. No more bodies fell, raggedly, making splashes in the lakes of blood. All was silent and calm.

Toadie farted.

History was made that day and everyone in the nation helped in their own way to make Toadie a TV sensation and America's new hero. Toadie would remember that mid-afternoon day, often, and with much fondness while stroking his wang, full of glee, until he came.

Spurt.

Afterwards, he would shout, "Modugalphagimminna!"

Illogical Impatience And Other Societal Mental Illnesses

Where's my goddamn five layered, cheesy, beany, greasy, ass imploding 1o pound burrito?! Where's my anti-fart and acid reflux pills to go along with it?

On the Internet, I found there was research done on one of society's main flaws, impatience. The basic conclusion to this widespread American condition/tradition was that we are addicted to instant gratification. Which, just by casual observation, anyone can see.

The researchers cited fast food joints to be an excellent example of this and how they are one of the main culprits in perpetuating this "gotta have it now" attitude. The study suggests the fast food industry has greatly influenced our culture in this negative way. This makes sense to me. And I won't lie to ya. I'm impatient as hell, too.

If I'm kept waiting at a light at an intersection for too long, say, uh, one freakin' minute, I either pound on the steering wheel (which is kinda pretzel shaped now) or go the other direction, so to speak, and pop off to SleepyBye Land for a quick siesta in the driver's seat. About that time, some asshole, inevitably, will blow his horn behind me, causing me to wake, piss myself and have a stroke, simultaneously.

Of course, this reminds me of Road Rage. For those of you not living in industrialized countries, Road Rage is a little game that commuters, those driving to work and from, will play during the busiest times on the interstates and highways. The rules to Road Rage are fairly easy. Being angry is a prerequisite in order to play properly.

Road Rage Rules:

Rule #1 -Find a completely congested highway or interstate that is cluster-fucked with an endless sea of cars. Be sure you're in the thick of this man-made fucking mess. If it's a hot day, roll down the windows, if you wish, for the added benefit of sucking in the exhaust fumes of the cars around you. This may help to further enrage you. Caution: The sucking in of too many of these fumes may prevent you from moving on to Rule #2.

Rule #2 -Honking your horn, gritting your teeth, making obscene gestures and remarks, spitting, frothing at the mouth, bumping the car in front of you, using all manner of weaponry (guns, bazookas and/or hand grenades) are all fair strategies to be used, and really, are symptoms of an insane society, in regards to Road Rage. Go ahead! Make every one's day!

Rule #3 -Whoever lives is the winner and gets to go home, drink a beer and watch "Family Guy". If any body parts are missing (eye, finger, leg, anus, etc...) from the game played, previously, you may return to the road and go to the hospital. You have my permission.

Yesterday, I saw on the news that senators and other politicians in both Republican and Democratic parties are receiving death threats, in verbal and written forms, for voting for or against the Health Care Reform Bill -which, by the way, I'm happy to say, has finally passed after more than a year of bickering and lies. People are panicky and impatient for positive results of this progress or any upcoming progress, I believe, because of our national unemployment problems, recession and wondering how they're going to pay next month's bills and put food on the table. It doesn't help when one side of the political coin fuels the incendiary nature of society by making inflammatory remarks or remarks that incite fear and confusion.

Unfortunately for us, both parties excel in this destructive venture.

That, my friends, makes me hot under the collar. For real.

Of course, there are those times when impatience is understandable. Such as:

-While waiting too long at the doctor's office (two or more hours) for a routine appointment or for a missing limb. You may want to alert someone about any missing limbs. Preferably, by loud shouting and waving your bloody stump around in a circular fashion.

-While waiting for a service tech to get on the phone and then, when you finally do get a human on the line, they speak in a fucked up, heavily foreign-accented form of your language, causing you to seethe with anger and frustration until, ultimately, you throw your phone towards the cat, who proceeds to flee and crash into your significant other's favorite lamp or urn full of dead relative's ashes or gold plated hookah with accompanying wise caterpillar, thus causing greater turmoil in the end and possible bloodshed for every living thing in the house. Woo hoo. Impatience is understandable. Telling the service tech that you need to speak to someone you can understand is understandable. Maiming the cat and destroying the house is unacceptable.

You can think of more examples, I'm sure.

The point is, and it has taken me awhile to get to it because I'm kinda scatter-brained (it isn't noticeable, is it?), that being patient is more than just an important virtue to have and practice. Being patient can keep you and everyone else healthy. Anyone of us can promote harmony instead of chaos, which an individual or group's impatience is usually good at causing. The times are few when it's a good idea to to put your anger and impatience into action.

Onthophagus Taurus and Dryer Vents

The beetle, Onthophagus Taurus, is an insect that is able to pull 1, 141 times it's own body weight. It is the equivalent of a 150 lb person lifting six double-decker buses. Now that, my friends, is strong.

If I could do that, without pulling groin hernia #3 on myself, I could do some wondrous things. For instance, I could pull myself up from behind the dryer when I get stuck. Every time I clean the air vent behind my dryer I get stuck with no way out, except this narrow three inch gap between the dryer and counter top which rises up past my nipples... almost. Rarely, do I try to squeeze through the three inch gap. I've almost lost my "stick and balls" that way. So there I am, usually, cursing and wishing I had waited on cleaning the dryer vent until the wife gets home. At least she helps to pull me out every so often or feeds me time to time so I won't collapse in a crumpled heap behind the dryer, sucking on dryer lint for nourishment. She's sweet that way.

By the way, you are correct in assuming that the picture above, is one of two Onthophagus Taurus beetles gettin' it on, doin' the wild thing or boning. Looks like a pretty horny situation, if you ask me.

Back to this spectacular, resilient bug: The females bury most of their fecal matter (like cow droppings) instead of carrying them. Sounds practical. The females build tunnels through the shit to lay their eggs in. Sounds disgusting. It's through these tunnels that mating and pre-mating fights between the males takes place. Fighting and fucking in shit sounds like joyous fun for all. Not.

The male beetles, that are hornless, have to rely on strategic trickery when it comes to fighting in the tunnels. Instead of waiting at the entrance of the tunnels, as the horned beetles do, the hornless ones hide out in self-built side tunnels and sneak in to mate before getting caught by a horned beetle.

Horned males, however, combat head-to-head. Their horns kind of meet on their shoulders. They push each other backward and forward, with the male that is being pushed hardest, bracing, as it is being pushed.

Imagine getting into a fight with one of these creatures if it was six feet in length or more. I wonder what kind of fighting that would entail. I do know one thing... I wouldn't follow them back into their shitty homes. And keeping a few as prisoners or slaves wouldn't work for me. I couldn't handle the stench. No, I think I would just leave them be. Maybe give them some kind of hygiene kit from Bath and Body Works for Christmas every other year or something.

Where was I going with this? Hell, I don't know. I've got a dryer vent to clean, damn it. Later.

Baby Ronald McDonald

Strange. Turn up your volume for the full effect of this clip. Let me know if you're "lovin' it"?

Prom

I wrote this, originally, as a comment to a post on The Guy's Perspective. I was either going to use this, tonight or ramble on about something that wasn't going to be as cheerful as this tragicomic personal story.

My prom experience didn’t end with a happy ending. What I mean by that is I didn’t get to push the old stink log into the tuna hatch. Wasn’t sure if you had the picture.

Anyway, I finally had gotten the nerve up (Yeah, I was shy in high school) to ask out this girl in my class. Her and I got along well and we talked from time to time. In very small doses. Moving on…. She says yes to the offer and I’m elated because I think I’m going to finally going to be able to spread a lil’ Kelly Seed before the prom night is through. And not by hand, either.

And yes, I was a virgin when I was 17.

Moving on, we’re dancing and stuff, having a pretty good time, listening to some “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne and all seems to be going well. And then we slow dance. And then I get the biggest boner in the world. I’m pitchin’ a real bonerfide tent here, folks. And “Michelle” is feeling it through her prom dress. I’m not sure, but I think I “almost” popped her cherry through sheer penis determination.

So…

After a few minutes of feeling my wang rubbing up against her prom dress, “Michelle” backs away from me during the second slow song and seems sincerely frightened of me and my magic wand. Damn, I think to myself. All throughout the rest of the night, she more or less avoids me. I hung out the rest of the night with my friends and found relief when I finally got home, semi-drunk and full of seed.

The End

"Pepper" by The Butthole Surfers

Great song from The Butthole Surfers. Hypnotic. Psychedelic. Totally cool. And to me, the song is really about the different ways we perceive life and people around us. Enjoy.

Why Do People Have A Problem With Health Care Reform?

The Health Care Reform Bill will ensure that low income U.S. citizens and small businesses, alike, will be able to afford health care. This would be great, for many reasons, if and when it ever passes approval from fat and wealthy politicains. It means anyone unable to receive medical attention because they could not afford it due to being unemployed, not earning enough money or their job doesn't carry health insurance -they won't have to worry about the added problem of not having health insurance.

In other words, when and if some poor woman is cooking herself a meal of Ramen noodles in the kitchen and her uterus just so happens to fall out onto the linoleum floor, without notice -if she has government health insurance- she will be able to afford having her uterus pushed back inside by a doctor -instead of her five year old son, who only moments ago was cheerfully playing with his puppy dog and not being screamed at by his mother with instructions to gather up her dragging uterus and hurriedly jam the whole bulging thing back into her woo hoo, thus scarring the boy for the rest of his life with images that will force him to fear women's vaginas as if they were uterus vomiting monsters.

And yes, that really is a stuffed toy uterus, meant for children, on the upper left corner, complete with fallopian tube arms and soft little nubbins the manufacturers call the ovaries.

As I've pointed out so many times before, people will sell anything and people will buy anything.

Back to the point of this post: I don't see why health care reform has been turned into a political power struggle for Democrats and Republicans. This is something our country desperately needs. Everyone deserves health care and it is inhumane to withhold something so vital to everyone. There are people in this country that constantly have to choose between putting food on the table or receiving medications or undergoing much needed medical treatment -such as surgery, medications, therapies and doctor visits.

Almost every country in this world, industrialized or not, has some sort of health care system, provided by their government. Why can't we get our act together in this country? Too busy policing other nations? Too busy getting fat and wealthy while the other half of the world dies in poverty? Too many Republicans using fear tactics, as usual, to sway an illiterate nation into whatever insane idea is being repeatedly drilled into our gullible minds?

Hey, it worked for George Bush. How many excuses and outright lies did he use to go to war in the Middle East? Weapons of mass destruction, anyone? And we, along with other participating nations, are still paying the price with soldiers' lives and destroyed relationships and the destroyed mental health of soldiers who survive.

And with this health care reform, anyone can still opt to pick their own health care insurance. The government provided health insurance plan isn't being forced down anyone's throats. It's there for those who can't afford it. I can't make it any clearer than that. I think if anyone that actively goes against this needs their brain examined. And if they don't have health insurance, they can consider themselves fucked because many doctors will refuse to look at their mentally impaired brain if they don't have health insurance.

Feeding America, the nations largest domestic hunger-relief charity, provides a quadrennial comprehensive study of domestic hunger called "Hunger in America 2010". The data from this study showed the following truths:

• More than 35 percent of adult clients report having to choose between health care and food in the past year.
• There has been a 60 percent increase, over four years, in the number of adult clients who report that they or another household member has no health insurance.
• Almost half of our adult clients report that they or a household member has unpaid medical bills.
• One in three adult clients report that someone in their household is in "poor health."
• One in 10 adult clients report that they have been refused medical care in the past year because they couldn't afford it.

That last point is the one that bothers me the most. 1 in 10 people don't have health insurance. That's a disgusting legacy or condition for a nation that is supposedly a major leader in the world today. It isn't socialism, as Republicans often cry out, to have the ability to see a doctor or have a much need operation performed because you have health care insurance, whether it's government sponsored or not. Like having the right to be given an attorney to represent you during a court hearing, everyone should have the right to have health care insurance.

No one should be in the position to have to decide whether you will have your electric bill paid or your kids fed at the table or a life disease disease or condition being treated in any given month(s). In my opinion, that is an inhuman condition and should not be allowed and those who would oppose Health Care Reform are fucking monsters.

Crazy St. Patrick's Day Outfits

Here's a few outfits for ya to check out, just in case you're shopping.

You'll Thank Me Later For This In Your Dreams Tonight

Just keep watching this over and over and soon you'll be flying off throughout the universe, riding the moon of Titan, singing the songs of other multi-dimensional beings, while challenging them to an artistic duel. Yep.

Your Blog Is Your Child

Everyone's blog is like their own child, really. Raising a kid, I would have to say, is sort of like the molding of your own blog to your own personal, satisfactory creation. Except a kid is a living breathing thing that has come into being from popping out of a woman's hoo hoo. That, I believe, is the technical term for a woman's vagina. A blog, on the other hand, does not breathe. Just thought I'd let you in on that secret. But there are comparisons that can be made.

Actually, this premise/theme would work well in a post on a blog- now that I think about it. And presto-change-o, here it is. I must be full of magic or something.

I think you nurture your own kid, feed it and help it the same way a blogger gives his own blog fresh posts, a new widget, or perhaps, a "better" blog layout or design now and then. Whatever process or project he or she is working on for their blog, some creators have more of a capacity to give it more of what it needs -like a parent with it's child.

Some bloggers use humor in a post so a somewhat serious subject is "easier to swallow" for those with limited mental abilities. I farted. Still, others in Blog World will use a dab of logic to justify a somewhat silly subject. Then you have your ravenous social networking harlots who promote their blogs until they're bug-eyed, crazed zombies feasting upon the flesh of a Kraken, a fearsome marine behemoth from Greek Mythology.

However, why put your desires or bloggers in categories? I just did but you shouldn't. What? I must apologize.

Be free. Be honest. And if you have a blog that it's only reason for existence on the net is to sell frozen chocolate covered poop on a stick to all the neighborhood kids from an ice cream truck, well, so be it. But I won't visit it. In fact, I might just have to devise a brown smear campaign against that worthless crappy blog. Give me a blog with real substance, and not excrement, any day of the week with the exception of Tuesday.

That's all I have for now. Got any ideas? No, not that. Besides that.

On the count of three, let's band together and scream really loud. One, two.....

Computer Fire and Repair

After seeing smoke rolling out of both ends of my CPU, Sunday and nearly having a stroke, I figured that my computer was completely trashed. I took it to the computer repair shop and told them to call me and give me an estimate on labor and parts before doing anything to it (if it was salvageable). If the cost was going to be too high, I would get the hard drive and other components out of it that wasn't damaged and chuck the rest in the dumpster or elsewhere.

Maybe one of Gary's wee folks at Klahanie could have used the burned out CPU casing as a new home. Who knows? I would definitely advise getting a air freshener in that scenario.

Three days slowly went by before I got a call from the repair shop. Before that, I was suffering some major computer usage withdrawals. Luckily, I had a five hour long porno DVD called "Fuck My Face!" to get me through the tough times for awhile. And by awhile, I mean ten minutes. I pulled it out after that. And by "pulling it out", I mean taking the movie out of the DVD player.

Porn DVDs are boring to me, anymore. Kinda icky, too. Close up shots of ass zits, droopy cunt flaps and suspicious looking blemishes or sores are a real turn off.

The human body, in general, is a real turn off if you think about it. But don't!

In reality, I filled in the computer void by reading books I meant to read, like two years ago and talking more to my wife. The first part worked. The second part... not so much. Turns out my wife's irresponsible sister was causing us some problems which I won't get into here.

As usual, I'm getting off topic (and not getting off on the previous porno topic). :-)

The computer repair guy said the power supply was toast, burned up and screwed, royally. Well, in so many words, he said that. Also, he explained that the cooling fan was trashed. Furthermore, the video card's capacitors were cooked. That, he said, was the reason I heard the loud popping noise before the fire and smoke occurred. He gave me an estimate of $142.00 for labor and parts. Since I can't afford another computer these days, for a variety of reasons, I gave him the go ahead with repairing the fucking thing.

Now the next day, when it was ready for pick up, he showed me the damaged parts and gave me some good news. He was able to find a used power supply back in his storage bin that would fit in the proper spot in my CPU. Dell computer parts, he had explained before, were tricky and often complicated to replace (especially since the Dell computer I have is five years old -which is considered ancient in computer techie world, apparently).

Because he was able to put in the slightly used power supply, the cost of everything dropped to eighty-nine dollars. Hooray. Happy ending, for once. I hooked the computer up and went through the nearly 100 emails that I had gotten since the fire. After the cruise and getting some major medical bills paid off and buying a hearing aid, at long last, I plan on having a custom built computer made for me. No Dell parts.

In the end, I would have to say I'm lucky. It could have been far worse. The apartment could have caught on fire and the "Fuck My Face" DVD would have been lost forever. So sad.

Not really. Lol.

And now, I must catch up on my favorite blogs. Ready. Set. Go!

My Computer Blew Up!!!

Yes, you read that post title correctly. I'm using one of the library's PC's. Which sucks, because it is very inconvenient for a variety of reasons. One being, the library is kinda far from the house.

Moving on... (gotta hurry writing this, I suppose... I'm on a half hour timer here)

After pushing the power button on my own computer, repeatedly, and getting nothing but whirring sounds, I almost gave up on the damn thing. So rather than throw it out the window, in utter frustration, I sat back and let the damn thing "rest" for a half hour.

I pushed on the power button, once more, after I gave the damn thing a break. This time I got a loud POPPING noise and smoke coming out of both ends of my CPU. Hooray! If you thought I was insane before, well, ya oughta get a load of me now! I had no idea my addiction to my computer was that severe until now. It's only been one day, and I'm already driving my wife completely nuts. She has threatened to cut my jingle berries off!

Anyway, I take the computer to the repair shop. They say the power supply is dead and they don't know what else is wrong yet til they get a chance to look at it. If the motherboard is fucked, I might as well get a new computer (which really, I don't have the money for). So say a little prayer, cross your fingers or speak in tongues for me, please, for some miracle I get my computer back soon before I become completely unhinged.

Now, the library timer says I have 13 minutes left...

Bottom line: Don't be surprised if I'm unable to correspond with anyone by BlogCatalog, Email or my own blog or your blog or whatever anytime soon. If I'm unable to get my CPU repaired and I have to buy a new one, it may be a couple weeks before I can get back to one of the things I love doing... blogging and commenting. I promise, when all is well in my computer situation again, I will comment back to all of ya and get in touch, in general.

Till then... Take care, everyone!

And cross your fingers that my wife doesn't cut my nuts off before then.

Inspired By Mr. Bungle

This song, Carousel, and really, this entire album inspired me to create the underground magazine, Psycho Carnival in the 1990's. Years later, I turned the "zine", as they were routinely called back then, into a website. Listen to this song and let your mind go. Heh heh.

And by the way.... I'm feeling much better now. After several days of sunshine, a walk in the park and a fun night of catching up with a friend I haven't seen for a friggin' month -I'm coming back, Baby.... With a goddamn vengeance!!!!!

Now listen to this song, damn it! Ya might learn something. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Seasonal Affective Disorder and Other Maladies

The sun is finally shining!!! After three weeks of cloudy, sunless days, the sun was able to ultimately peek through the gloomy atmosphere, yesterday. Today, here in Indiana, the sun is, at last, presenting itself in all of it's fucking glory. Jesus Christ, Sun, what took you so goddamn long???

The first week, it didn't bother me that much, but this last week or so, the sunless days have been killing me, emotionally and somewhat, physically. My blog pal, DarkSlander, was the first to suggest I may be suffering from SAD. (SAD) stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is a type of depression occurring most commonly during the winter months. You can find much more information on this mental disorder by clicking on the link I provided but here is the gist of what it can do to you:

Many people have changes in their sleep patterns, energy levels and mood in the autumn and winter. Indeed, many people can feel "low" during long periods of grey days the winter. However, this unhappiness can develop into SAD. Mild forms of SAD are commonly referred to as "winter blues" but you can have a more severe form and become unable to function in winter without treatment.

There are also at home treatments but none have worked for me.

Now, I already have Major Depressive Disorder, which is horrible enough to endure, but having to deal with (SAD) is/was fucking killing me inside and out. Yeah, I know... I've already said as much but let me explain. I couldn't think clearly, therefore I've had trouble posting, commenting, remembering to take my medications and doing things I had planned for the day. I also had and still have, somewhat, trouble getting the energy to walk, work out at the gym, breathing, sleeping and more. All of these things, I found out, are symptoms of SAD.

What has been replaced, courtesy of SAD is: fits of crying, staring at nothing for long periods of time, weight gain, anger, aggressive behaviour and general physical weakness.

I was actually doing a lot better with my following medical problems, before SAD cropped up, which include:

Type 2 Diabetes (two insulin shots to the belly and 2 pills a day)

High Blood Pressure

High Triglyceride Count and last, but certainly not least,

Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety (I take Wellbutrin and Valium)

Wellbutrin is more well known for being a medication for those individuals wanting to quit smoking but it is also a anti-depressant. It gives you an energy boost. This, along with my own determination and therapy, has greatly helped my battle with depression. You'll have to read my earlier posts if you want to know more about that. I only take Valium before going out in public.... sometimes.

On top of this, unrelated to SAD, I also have these medical conditions:

*Equinus Foot Deformity with both feet- the pain of which is so severe, even with medication that I have to prop my feet up four to five hours a day before walking out the door on any given day (click on link to learn more) in order to walk or stand. It's one of the main reasons I collect disability after working for 27 years.

*Plantar Fasciitis (heel spurs). My podiatrist has said, on numerous occasions, they were the biggest he had ever seen (almost 3 inches in length). So large they are, in fact, they have melded onto the rest of the bones in my feet. He explained they cannot be operated on and cut out.

*Neuropathy (click on link to learn more)

(almost complete) Deafness in my left ear

*Chronic Sinusitis

*Allergies (I'm highly allergic to mold, pollen, bee stings, five different types of trees, plants, flowers and other things)

*Severe Astigmatism

*Memory loss (due to extreme diabetes and depression -of which there is a definite link)

I also contend with taking care of a father with Vascular Dementia, which is a battle all of it's own. Recently, we have moved him into an Assisted Living place, which has lifted some of the burden from my sister and I. I split my time with him nowadays, along with spending time with my wife, blogging, exercising and attempting to enjoy life. I'm also looking very forward to our cruise to several Caribbean islands this summer. It will be like a second honeymoon for the wife and I. We've been married for 21 years. Quite a feat during these times we live, eh?

Even as I write all of this, I can feel some of the tension and depression leaving my spirit. The sun is finally shining, after all. And the dying feeling inside is starting to leave. If you have any questions, please ask. But please, do not assume anything. Thanks for reading this far. I know it's not the usual laugh-a-thon or whatever but part of the reason for this blog is for my venting.

I will return to commenting on all of my new and old friend's blogs tomorrow, Saturday. I need a break. You haven't been forgotten.

See you then!

What Do You Do For a Night of Fun?

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Alice In Wonderland

If I'm watching the trailers, correctly, for this latest movie version of Alice in Wonderland, I would have to say the people who made this flick had to have been dropping some major acid. I'm sure you've seen the previews at one time or another. They come on TV about every three seconds or so. That tells me it will either blow cat chunks or... or it will blow a deranged transvestite wearing a funny hat and freaky makeup. Kinda like that picture of Johnny Depp in the upper left corner.

Scary shit!

Still, with all that said, I will likely go see it this weekend or the next. I might have to smoke something for several hours before truckin' off to the theatre, you know... banana peels or something to be able to fully get into this flick, but I'd still like to see it. Eh, I've taken my chances with Tim Burton movies before and I have managed to enjoy a little over half of them, thus far.

Escapist movies are all the rage now, due to the recession and unemployment woes of a nation whose public is considered unworthy of consideration by an ultra-uptight, wealthy, idiotic conservative party called Republicans. Not that I'm pointing any fingers at anyone. Ahem.

I've never read the books, written by English author, Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (better known as Lewis Carroll) but from what little I have read of those books, Alice's adventures seem to be rife with insane, menacing characters and mind blowing, psychedelic imagery. Not to mention quite a few drug references. For example, check out this synopsis of chapter five from Wikpedia.org:

Chapter 5- Advice from a Caterpillar -Alice comes upon a mushroom and sitting on it is a Caterpillar smoking a hookah. The Caterpillar questions Alice and she admits to her current identity crisis, compounded by her inability to remember a poem. Before crawling away, the caterpillar tells Alice that one side of the mushroom will make her taller and the other side will make her shorter. She breaks off two pieces from the mushroom. One side makes her shrink smaller than ever, while another causes her neck to grow high into the trees, where a pigeon mistakes her for a serpent. With some effort, Alice brings herself back to her usual height. She stumbles upon a small estate and uses the mushroom to reach a more appropriate height.

I'm no expert but that sounds suspiciously like someone was hittin' the ol' bong-eroo (or hookah) back in 1865.

Anyway, the movie might prove to be fun. Even funny, in a strange sort of way. In any event, I definitely want to see it, if only, for what looks to be a fantastic spectacle.

Your WTF Product of The Day

I didn't know peeing, standing up, was so important that you actually have to have this, ladies.  But now, I do.  Can you imagine carrying this piss soaked funnel in your purse or whatever?

Don't You Hate Using Emoticons?

Don't You Hate Emoticons?

I know I do. Most of the time, I feel I have to use emoticons to let people know I'm kidding in a comment, blog post or email just so some Dumbass, with a capital D, won't get their feelings hurt or misinterpret what I said or mean.

It's tedious and ridiculous doing that shit.

Here's a great idea I stole from an email from my not-so-slightly-warped Aunt. They're called Assicons.

:) means smile and
:( is a frown
Sometimes these are represented by
:-)
:-(

Well, hey gang, how about trying this latest up and coming trend that you're sure to want to get in on.... ASSICONS!


(_!_) a regular ass


(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) a sore ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass

They're not only useful, they're amusing. So, why not try Assicons? They're not any more asinine than emoticons.