Unhappy Customers

Have ya ever pulled up to a fast food joint drive-thru and try to order something that wasn't on their "menu" yet? Isn't it frustrating?

It must have been especially frustrating for the two guys and one woman in Salt Lake City the other day. These people pulled up to the window and attempted to order a lunch item from the restaurant when McDonald's was still serving breakfast. After being told they couldn't have Big Macs or whatever, the two men got out of the car and blasted away at the window with sawed-off shotguns.

Full story here.

Luckily, no one was hurt.

Speaking of unhappy customers, I stumbled on a website the other day which claimed to have the top 7 phrases to use with customers that are unsatisfied. I'll list the first 3 phrases:

“The problem you experienced is no more acceptable to us than it was to you.”

“I understand your concern. What do you think would be fair?”

“Although you might not agree with my decision, I’d like to explain it so you can at least understand.”

In the case of the Salt Lake City incident, perhaps a couple new phrases could be added to the list. Such as....

"If you politely refrain from blowing my head off with your gun, I may be able to serve your interests better."

Or....

"Yes, you can have anything you want! Just please don't kill me, you fuckin' lunatic!"

Of course, the second option may prove more satisfying as it comes out of your mouth, but it may prove to be slightly troublesome in the end.

Greed: Our Number One Cultural Disease

AIG bonuses, corporate bailouts, bank bailouts and the enormous salaries given to, but NOT EARNED, by corporate executives. I don't understand why we accept these unethical offenses from the rich. Is greed a subject learned or ingrained into our minds from childhood through adulthood. Is money and/or the material crap really the ultimate goal in this society?



For me, this great video shed excellent light on why we are like this. Do me a favor. Watch the video. Listen to it. Even if you don't agree with it, I bet it will make you think.

Strange Occurrences

SAGINAW, Mich. — A man who police said was arrested for performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum was sentenced to 90 days in jail on Wednesday and ordered to submit to drug testing. The 29-year-old man pleaded no contest to indecent exposure last month.


My opinion: If you really feel the urge to push your stink log into something mechanical or non-human, why not try a nice ripe watermelon, with a hole in it-in the privacy of your own home. After you're finished, why not give the used melon to a friend?


Not that I would do that sort of thing.


NEW YORK– A small political party angry at bonuses paid to staff of bailed out insurance giant American International Group is organizing a bus tour to the Connecticut homes of several AIG executives. "We're all mad at AIG," the Connecticut Working Families Party, a small liberal party, said on its Web site, inviting people to sign up for its "Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous" bus tour and a rally at the company's Wilton, Connecticut, headquarters, on Saturday.


"Their executives bear a large share of the responsibility for bringing the economy to its knees, and now the same folks are getting hundreds of millions of dollars in bonuses -- at our expense," the website said.

My opinion: Don't forget to bring the napalm!

BRUSSELS - A world record in the length of a queue to a toilet was set on Sunday when 756 people lined up to a latrine in central Brussels to raise awareness for the need for clean water on World Water Day.

My opinion: I'd hate to be the last one. I would be PISSED.


HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. - Police are seeking a woman they said used a false identity to get breast implants and liposuction, then skipped town. Huntington Beach police said Monday that a 30-year-old woman opened a line of credit in someone else's name in September 2008 and had the procedures worth more than $12,000 performed at the Pacific Center For Plastic Surgery.


My opinion: Some women will do anything to get a man's attention (and money, eventually). I hope they catch the vain, crooked bitch and she gets her boob balloons ripped out with a rusty pair of pliers.

January 2008, London's The Sun found a practitioner of a new art form in which a design is inked, with a tattoo needle, into the sclera, which is the white part of the eyeball. That volunteer (from Canada) may well be the only daredevil, or one of a tiny number, but Oklahoma state senators were alarmed enough that they passed legislation out of committee in February to ban the practice in their state. "If we can stop ... one person from doing it, we've been successful," said Sen. Cliff Branan. An Oklahoma City tattoo artist told KSBI-TV that the law is useless, in that "common sense" will prevent the problem.

My opinion: Unfortunately, most people don't apply "common sense" to much of anything anymore. I'm waiting for eyeball piercings to come out as the latest fad. The willing participants won't complain about being blind as long as they feel trendy.

LAKELAND, Fla. - An eighth-grader was suspended from riding the school bus for three days after being accused of passing gas. The bus driver wrote on a misbehavior form that a 15-year-old teen passing gas on the bus on March 16 to make the other children laugh, creating a stench so bad that it was difficult to breathe. The bus driver handed the teen the suspension form the next day. Polk County school officials said there's no rule against flatulence, but there are rules against causing a disturbance on the bus.

My opinion: If the bus driver can't handle gagging to the point of vomiting on some kid's nasty rectal bombs, then he shouldn't have become a bus driver.

And Now, Finally, Something Tasteful

The Spy Who Watched Me

Years ago, I worked at a hair care product distribution center. I'll refrain from giving up the name of this hell hole, not to protect the innocent, but because I don't want to encourage any shampoo/conditioner freaks, reading this, to buy this company's goddamn products.

While there, my co workers and I would pack product in kit boxes for salons, while the conveyor belt ran between the 40mph mark to a thousand (perhaps an exaggeration). If you didn't get your particular thing (shampoo, brush or whatever) in your box in time before it passed your sorry ass you would receive a hostile, verbal thrashing from the line leader, or worse yet, from the one above that position. The head honcho, herself. Nola. She had the pleasant face of a six hundred year old Shar Pei Dog. Wrinkles Ahoy, Matey!

If you happened to be daydreaming on the line about some hot babe and you also happened to be "sporting wood" or "raising the phallic flag" and Nola, happened to come out of the office and you caught sight of her, your wood would melt like butter or fall like a Oak Tree or just disappear, entirely. Poof!

I know from experience.

In one episode, during my time working there, some freak was wiping shit (his shit?) all over the men's restroom walls, stalls, floors and sinks. Most everyone agreed that it was someone that had an unhappy confrontation with Nola- which could have been anyone, actually. This Spreader of Poo made Nola very angry. It didn't really sit well with the rest of us, either. Our bathroom break times were shortened, for one thing. Plus, we were lectured by Nola every day for the next 2 weeks about the juvenile antics that we, supposed grown-ups, were not to engage in. Whoever the Crap Culprit was, he wasn't creative, in the least. He didn't spell his name or draw puppies on the walls with his poop, like some masterpieces I've seen in some gas station restrooms. But, I digress.

Nola's plan was simple and moronic. She instructed her all-too-loyal and obedient assistant, Chris, to remain stationed in the men's restroom to watch, almost 8 of the nine hours of the day, the male employees pee and poo. Of course, we were given a tiny crumb of dignity. When our backs were turned, while pissing in the urinal, Chris the Brown Noser, refrained, thankfully, from peeking over our shoulders. Good thing, too, because it was rumoured Chris might be bi-sexual. He could have been in trouble for sexual harassment if he had done any peeky boo-ing. So Chris did, as he was told, without question. For him, Nola's word was his command. Nola's reasoning behind her plan? She believed Chris would somehow get real lucky and catch some disgruntled, but apparently, non constipated imbecile, painting walls with own excrement.

Maybe the nasty bastard would be caught.... brown-handed.

Moving on in this tale....

Diligently, Chris would watch our backs while we peed and checked inside the toilet stalls, after one of us exited, for fresh shit decor on the walls and so forth.

Being the considerate guy I am, I poked fun at the somber, serious Chris whenever I entered and left the restroom. This seemed to bring about a certain amount of good cheer to everyone who heard my words of wit, during that time. For instance, I would say to Nola's assistant, "Ah, the Poo Peeper, how nice of you to watch me squirt." Chris' face remained the same, showing consternation at my jovial remark.

After all, it was the kind of job one took seriously.

What a Beautiful Musical

Check out this musical, featuring Lego toy people. You may be surprised how good it is. Heh heh.

Watch Silence of the Lambs: The Musical on CollegeHumor

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Hey, mays I borrows your toothpaste?

Tree Man- Before And After

When I first heard the story about the "Tree Man", the Indonesian fisherman suffering from human papillomavirus, HPV, a rare immune deficiency, I was interested in learning more.

For 20 years, Dede Koswara lived and struggled with something you think you would only see in a horror flick. Covered with huge tree-like growths encasing his limbs, Dede was unable to feed himself, work and move about like a normal human being. The only income he had was made during his brief stint in a travelling freak show. Unable to touch his children and support them, Dede's life has been a life of constant struggle.

Luckily, there are doctors that are trying save this man from a life of pain and disfigurement. Dede has just underwent his 9th surgery.

Details about his condition, his two decades of hardship associated with the disease and the major operations that were performed to give this man his life back are detailed in the following links and video clips.

Tree Man on Discovery Channel

The Story of Dede

Tree Man's Ninth Surgery










Be sure to check it all out and be sure to be thankful you don't have to live with tree branches growing from your arms, legs and feet.

Perceptions

The other night, I went to my sister and her family's place. They had just buried their cat, Bully. Bully was a true hunting cat. He would catch pretty much anything on four legs. Mice. Moles. Possums. Raccoons. You name it. He even chased a friend of mine out of the house one time. That was the one time when he went after a two-legged creature.


Bully was a lovable cat, too. Everyone who knew him will miss him. He had more character and bravery than most people do.


Anyway, my sister decided to put him to sleep. He was in too much pain from all the injuries he had endured (such as losing his tail, teeth, chunks of his ears, claws and so on) over his many years. After burying him in their "pet cemetery", my dad, my friend, Jeep and I were looking at the moon and discussing the images we saw in the moon. Most people in the world claim to see either a man's face, a lady or a rabbit.




If you've seen anything besides these "classic 3", let me know.

Now here is a partial picture of a wooden door.

Now, I see the side of an orc's head. You know- orc- as in an orc from the "Lord of The Rings" movies, Dungeons & Dragons or the Warcraft games. See the big eye? The teeth? The upturned nose? The pointed ear? If you see something else, let me know.

Maybe you need a drink first.

Some people don't see images in anything- like clouds, for instance. They lack the imagination. Perhaps the logical part of their minds won't allow for it.

Many people only see around them what they want to see. Maybe they see only what fits into their agenda. I have no idea.

An example of this would be how people see you and how you see yourself. Which do you think is more important?

After checking out the moon and talking for awhile, everyone went inside the house and had some of my sister's cranberry-almond cheesecake.

I didn't think I would like it, at first, because I hate cranberries. But then, I took a bite and it was so good, I had another piece. Whoever invented this recipe, originally, created something truly pleasing for the masses.

Unlike this invention.

I guess this invention is to be employed to keep you standing upright, in case you are falling asleep and standing in a dangerous environment, such as a building construction site. This woman's hard hat would suggest this. But the rest of her suit doesn't really fit what she's modeling for. She appears to be wearing office apparel. As for myself, if I was at a busy construction site, I don't believe I could nod off with all the loud machinery and the possible heavy building parts falling all around me.

But someone thought this was a good enough idea to try to market it. But how much ingenuity does it take to attach a toilet plunger to a helmet?

PERCEPTION IS EVERYTHING when it comes to the minds of the human race. It effects your opinion and the decisions you make.

Take this optical illusion, as another example. The afterimages of the complementary colors create movement in your peripheral vision as your eyes shift across the image.

I see those big wheels uh turnin'-turnin'-turnin'. I think that's from a Johnny Cash song. Now that was a guy with exceptional perception. He saw the truth of life, wrote about it and sung it for the masses. And it was pleasing.

Almost Human

This right-on-the-mark rant was offered up by sis, recently.

Have you heard about the woman in Connecticut that had her face ripped off by a 200 lbs chimpanzee named Travis? Ouch. The victim was not the owner, unfortunately. The owner, a rich clueless bitch, called a friend to help her get her pet monkey under control. The friend came into the house and was attacked. Her face is destroyed, eyes put out, fingers bitten off... I think he even hurt her feelings. Policemen were so horrified by the victim’s appearance that they couldn't understand if they were looking at a man or a woman, or even determine at first if she was alive.

The stupid owner did try hard to help her friend and even urged the policemen to shoot him, but when it was all said and done she still said that he was a great pet and there's nothing wrong w/ keeping monkeys in the house.

Travis, who she maintained was an angel, had in fact often stolen her car and the cars of various neighbors. Some neighbors thought he was an interesting novelty, but many (the ones who treasured their fingers and genitals) were afraid of him. Once he bit off most of a policeman's finger when he was trying to help her to get Travis under control, but she bought her way out of that trouble. She regularly gave Travis tea laced w/ Xanax in order to calm his ass down.

St. James and LaDonna Davis—owners of another rich, childless household—also raised a monkey as a human child. They came to Herold’s defense in an interview w/ the "Today Show". They lived in California w/ their pet chimp--dressing him in people clothes and feeding him surf & turf, but eventually placed him in a nearby chimp preserve where they continued to support him w/ the thousands of dollars charged to keep him there. They visited him often. One day in 2005 they took him a birthday cake and sat outside of the monkey cages singing "Happy Birthday" to him. Out of nowhere 2 other large chimps appeared outside of their cages and went nutso. They attacked LaDonna and managed to bite off one of her fingers before St. James sacrificed lots of his body parts trying to save her. He lost much of his face, including his nose; his genitals; all of his fingers; a foot; and, chunks of butt meat.


But this couple still say that chimps are great... "they are so intelligent, so much like people, all of them have different personalities and should be judged separately, like people", etc... When pressed with the question as to why they put their chimp in a preserve years ago rather than continue to raise him at home, they reluctantly admitted that he had bitten off the fingertip of a woman who had attempted to pet him on the head, and they were no longer allowed to keep him in their home. Unmentioned was the fact that he also injured a policeman and an animal control employee, and those are just the incidents that are on record. They appeared in this interview with their lawyer, who made certain that the direction of the "discussion" never ventured into dangerous territory for her rich clients or any Eccentric Childless Rich Fuck organizations.

Ha, Ha, freakin' Ha!!!

Reminds me of these dog owners who are in denial that their dogs are dangerous. Just admit it and then keep them away from everybody else!

The fact that chimps are so intelligent and so much like people is just exactly why they shouldn't be kept as pets!!! I expect that in the long run it's cheaper to simply have a child (naturally, by adoption, or foster care). The chimps are destructive and will have to wear diapers for their whole lives (20-40 years), as opposed to a child who will only need them for a few years. Why would you want a creature in your house that can masturbate and steal your car (not to mention kill you!)? Why not pick up the first homeless person that you see and dress him in people clothes? He would appreciate the surf & turf, the drugged tea, and waking up without frost-bite. He probably wouldn't even bite off your genitals.

I think that the "Octomom" should be implanted with dozens of chimp embryos and put on a deserted island with lots of cameras running to record the outcome. That would be sweet. Seven months later, the title of the Reality show could be "Hey Baby Factory, Pick Up Your Sagging Uterus and Run For Your Life!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2182ScwDrGI (911 call from Connecticut Chimp Owner Sandra Herold to save Friend/Victim Charla Nash. Note the initially smug attitude of the 911 dispatcher)
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/29256760#29256760 (Davis interview…lo-o-o-ve the attorney’s fuchsia power suit)


Submitted by Pussy Galore

I Go Away For A Month And The Whole World Goes To Hell

But that's what happens when I'm gone and I will not accept it lightly. No sir, I'm going to have to form my "Army Of Darkness" and root out the cold and the greedy bastards that got us in this bottomless shit hole. When are we going to stop the robbing of the American poor and middle class and make those greedy bastards pay, in various ways, like torture, for instance?

Hey, just an idea.





Ooopsie. I'm letting my psychotic side show.







And what about this Octo-Mom shit? All of this attention paid to a dumb bitch who gets off on dumpin' lil' rug rats out of her vaginal cavity. Can't we pour some cement in that overused hole between her legs? Good gravy!






Anyway, as you may have noticed, I've been gone for close to a month from my emails, my blog and everyone else's blogs. And so on. For that, I apologize.




I was going to bore you as to why I've been away. But you might get violent.


Instead, I shall tell you of a wonderful secret. Tomorrow, we are taking our cat, Mufasa, to the vet. Long-haired and full of bite, Mufasa will cheerfully take a chunk out of your hand if you gently pet her. For free, even. Mufasa's fur is heavily matted and she is so fat she can't lick her back, asshole or junk anymore. I think female cats can have junk, can't they? Hell, I don't know.



We put her on a kitty treadmill once, wearing a jogging suit. That didn't work. We feed her diet food. That doesn't work either. And I've tried chasing her, frantically, around the house while I've yelled, "Whoop! Whoop! Heeba Bah Jeeba!"



Anyhoo, we are getting her put out, to avoid injury to all involved and letting the vet's assistants have the joy of shaving her. Heh heh.





I'll take a picture of her when they're done with her and she's recouped for awhile. I'll post the picture on my next post.






And what about the nun and the alter boy? Will they ever find happiness in their one bedroom apartment? Sometimes you have to wonder.