People Are Evil

I'm sure that comes to no surprise to you. There are always the naysayers to this statement, claiming there are still some good people around. Then there are the clever bastards that won't take a risk either way in the discussion by pointing out that people can do bad at times or good at times. Lucky for all of ya, I'm here to fill ya in on The Truth. People are vile, crazy and evil! A-goddam-men and HalleBerry-U-Yah!

I'm also sure you heard, read or saw the news about the 2000 customers that crushed and killed the Walmart employee during their Friday Blitz Sale in New York. The greedy idiots, at five in the morning, crumpled the doorway to the store and crushed Jdimytai Damour before he could get out of the way. I know I'm late in the game in talking about this, but I believe this is another fine example of people being cold blooded and outrageously nutty. It needs to be thrown in our collective faces and we need to learn from this disturbing story.

When the cops came to investigate what happened at the store, the disgusting freaks couldn't care less.

Kimberly Cribbs, who witnessed the stampede, said shoppers were acting like "savages."

"When they were saying they had to leave, that an employee got killed, people were yelling `I've been on line since yesterday morning,'" she said. "They kept shopping."

The only thing these selfish morons cared about was how fast they could get the cheap, crappy made TV (or some other useless item) on sale before the store ran out of stock.

There are many incidents like this, where somebody has either been killed or seriously injured during the holidays or any other time due to the selfishness and greed of people. It angers me because it shows how ignorant, cruel and impatient the hairless monkeys on this planet truly are. If I ever see somebody acting this way, in order to get a piece of crap (or whatever) in a store, I'm going to take a sledgehammer to their freaking skull. I'll have to purchase one first because I won't have it handy on me but I will.

Happy Holidays.

Watching The Fire During Hippie Thanksgiving

My sister hosted Hippie Thanksgiving this year, Saturday. There, we had turkey, green bean casserole, a cheesy potato dish, a variety of pies, deer meat, a big bonfire after the meal and I don't know what else. I was a little drunk later that night. Details are fuzzy.

Most everybody contributed something to the festivities. Could have been food. Could have been an alcoholic concoction. Could have been a funny joke or story. Could have been a jab to the kidneys. Who knows?

It was a great time. Got to talk to friends I hadn't seen for half a year to a year. We talked about politics, idiotic thieves, throwing friends in the bonfire and -wait- Did I just say throwing friends in the bonfire? Well, we talked about it. There was a time when we would all get nice n' fucked up and actually tried sending a friend or two into the flames of hell. One of them, in particular, was Gerk. Throughout the years, he's been singed by the fire a good number of times during our parties. Either his feet or his crotch have tasted the heat of the fire every now and then. Oh, how he'd scream. Heh heh. Yes, good times.

Sometimes, we would set unopened cans of baked beans or whatever we could find upon the hot coals in the pit. Sure enough, they would explode, sending shrapnel and showers of bubbling hot bean particles upon our drunken asses. Before the impending explosions, a few of us would run behind trees. Others would flee behind the huge propane tank that sits only twenty feet away from the fire pit. Some of waited patiently for the blast to hit us in the face. The anticipation was as thick as crusty pudding.

Pass the whisky and moonshine please. Don't want ta be feelin' it. Ka-Pow!

What fun!

But we're all old now. Our tribe of friends are in their late thirties to mid 40's. We've outgrown those stunts, for the most part. Kind of sad. Kind of expected. Now we only make threats of roasting Gerk in the fire. He laughs nowadays, knowing he is safe from that scenario. That, too, is sad. I miss all of us chasing him down, viciously grabbing hold of every wriggling limb and carrying him to the pit.

Aside from all that, it was a relaxing evening this past Saturday. My friends and I sat close to the fire, watching it, mesmerised by the flames. It was cold. Around 20 something degrees. But that didn't matter. All that matters is telling old stories, sharing laughs with friends and watching the fire.

You're Gonna Go Far, Kid

New great video from Offspring. I loved the song. Had a lot of melody and frantic energy to it. The production value is high. The effects are well done. The imagery is pretty wild and has that creepy old film feeling throughout.




My take on the video's plot is this: Guy receives the gift of music and then uses it to gain fame and fortune. Eventually, he becomes corrupted by the music business. Then, as fast as all that was good happened to him, it is all taken away.

Sister Anne Has Had Enough

Tired of praying the same old prayers, not being allowed to speak her mind and not being able to diddle herself in private without one of the other nuns catching her in the act, Sister Anne has taken it upon herself to find God the old fashioned way, the way the ancient people of times past discovered Him (or Her or It).

In a recent interview with People magazine, Sister Anne has declared that "she has had enough of this society full of tedium, hypocrisy and idiots."

When asked what was her breaking point, the nun from Detroit put down her instrument of peace and wistfully replied, "Mother Superior recently chastised me for saying that all the major corporations in this country are ran by fucking morons with bloated salaries and a total lack of regard for those laboring for them. She also got on my case for finding a Playgirl magazine underneath my mattress. I told her, 'If Father Cypress can play Hide The Kielbasa with Danny the Alter Boy, I should be allowed to have my fair share of entertainment, too.'

"This world needs an enema," added Sister Anne, before raising her hand and giving everyone in the room the finger.

My Fond Pictorial Tribute To George Bush: Heartless Imbecile Extraordinaire

Because I don't mind showing how much I truly care.

I added a few pics of Cheney, too. Thought he should be honored, as well.

Click the pics for bigger images.

Bush Is Doing As Much Wrong As He Can Before Leaving Office

The Bush Administration is putting forth regulations that will allow animals and plants, in real danger of becoming completely extinct, to lose the protection of government experts. They want to do this before president-elect Obama is in the White House. They believe Obama will try to change what they have done.

Check out the rest of this story.

Rapper Shoots A Guy, Writes A Song About It And Goes To Prison

Rico Todriquez Wright is a major dumbass.

Listen to this:

This criminal/rapper, Rico Wright, shot Chad Blue once in the thigh and once in the groin. Later, Wright wrote a song describing the shooting and calling out the victim (Blue) by name. Real smart, Rico.

Chad Blue, 28, told police he had known Wright before the September 2006 shooting, but that the men weren't friendly.

Gee. Ya think?

Later, Blue explained to police he recognized Rico's voice on a CD, singing "Chad Blue knows how I shoot." Smart title.

Monday, a judge sentenced Rico The Rap Genius to spend the next 20 years in prison after his victim made it known to the cops about Rico's hip hop confession. Wright was sentenced to 20 years for two counts of aggravated assault. He will spend another 20 years on probation.

I say Rico should be neutered on top of getting 20 years in the clink. Why? So he can't add his "stupid angry man" genes to the gene pool, of course.

Cool New Widget

The World Clock widget I've added below in my footer is an entertaining, informative gadget I snagged off of poodwaddle.com. It's much more than just a clock that tells you the time in all the major cities of the world. The statistics that are continually displayed are mind boggling. It would behoove you to hit the Pause button on the upper right hand corner to really check out the numbers and information-- unless you can read a hundred words a second.

I know I can't.

The side panel on the left features a variety of buttons. Such as: World Time. Population (totals). Environment (global warming stats). Food (for stats on production, including how many and what kind of animals are being slaughtered on a daily, monthly, yearly basis). US Crimes (wow!). And more.

Being the voracious carnivore that I am, all the info presented in the Food stats made me want to go out in the forest, grab an animal and start devouring it's flesh, right away. Yahoo.

You'll just have to play around and have fun with the World Clock. Of course, all the statistics given are estimates, calculated and provided by various sources. Click the Help button for more on this. To see what sources the information has been collected from, click the Sources button.

Scroll on down and check it out. You may want one for yourself.

Odd Jobs

Whether you like your job or not, you'll most likely agree these are some of the oddest jobs a human could have. A couple of these don't sound half bad. Maybe you've had one of these jobs. If you've had to do anything weirder (for money), let me in on it. I'll add it to the list.

By the way, I've been a Keebler Cookie Inspector in the past. I worked 3rd shift from 10pm to 8am. During that time, I had to watch millions of cookies go down a conveyor belt and quickly remove the ones that didn't have enough chocolate coating on them. It drove me insane!

NOW--ON WITH THE LIST....

Coffin Maker
What they do: Build customized coffins, ranging from simple pine caskets to bejeweled boxes.
Potato Chip Inspector
What they do: Oversee potato chips on an assembly line and check for overcooked or clumped chips to discard.
Wax Figure Maker
What they do: Mold wax to create figures, often, but not limited to, the human form. Figures are often made in the likeness of people who have achieved historical or celebrity recognition.
Foot Model
What they do: Work as a "parts model," modeling their feet for advertisements that feature footwear, lotions and other related-products.
Golf Ball Diver
What they do: Search the depths of golf course bodies of water to find lost golf balls to refinish and resell.
Doll Doctor
What they do: Repair, repaint and reassemble doll parts to doctor-up dolls that have missing, broken or damaged parts.
Egg Inspector
What they do: Examine eggs for cracks and other irregularities before they are graded and stamped for approval.
Knife Thrower's Assistant
What they do: Act as human targets for the knife thrower, which can involve mastering feats such as being tied to a spinning wheel while having knives thrown within inches of their bodies, or having objects cut above their heads.
Foley Artist
What they do: Use random items and whatever else they can find to create and record the noises used to make the sounds effects in films, such as heavy footsteps, rolling thunder or creaking doors.
Solfeggist
What they do: Listen to recorded music and monitor notes in indistinguishable compositions.
Snow Researcher
What they do: Collect and analyze ice crystals in snow to study the effects of pollution on area snowfall.
Wig Maker
What they do: Create and fit hair pieces such as wigs, beards, mustaches and eyebrows for clients requesting hair for costume or personal needs.
Gross Stunt Producer
What they do: Create new ways to gross out contestants on television shows, using insects, animal products and other things considered that could be considered "gross" by society's standards.
Mermaid
What they do: Entertain crowds as an underwater performer.
Whiskey Ambassador
What they do: Drink and explain the proper ways to serve and savor various whiskeys.
Dog Food Tester
What they do: Taste and analyze dog food samples and write reviews on the results.
Bonfire Builder
What they do: Gather discarded wood from trash bins, beaches, construction scrap heaps and similar areas to expertly build bonfires.
Dice Inspector
What they do: Inspect dice used in casinos for lopsided angles, misspotting and other blemishes that could cause error when the dice are rolled for gambling purposes.
Ethnographer
What they do: Research and study single groups of human behavior through fieldwork, observing and questioning participants.
Gum Buster
What they do: Remove gum stuck to sidewalks, street benches and other unwanted areas by de-sticking the gum through a steaming process.

You Fall. I Laugh.

A councilman from Dallas, Texas, by the name of Dwaine Caraway, held a summit Saturday about a topic that has given me a modest source of amusement from time to time. That would be the wearing of saggy pants. Both you and I have seen kids, teens and maybe some adults wear their baggy pants so low, you can see their underwear or "butt cleavage". It doesn't offend me, really. It may disgust me, however, if in the future, I see some exposed underwear that obviously hasn't been changed in the last four days. Poop streaks, anyone?

With nothing more important to talk about, Councilman Caraway held the big meeting to inspire "baggy panters" to pull up their pants when they're in public. More than 100 adults, children, students, ministers, law enforcement officers and representatives from local organizations attended the hours-long summit. A youth counselor, a former pants-drooping youth, brought in several soggy-bottomed teenagers to show as an example and to attempt to convert them to being "correctly dressed" citizens.

Yes folks, it was a real crackdown.

Buh-Dum-Bum.

Personally, I don't care how badly people dress or how many piercings they inflict upon themselves. For me, it's entertainment. When I see a teenager with his or her pants hanging down so far that you believe they're going to end up around their ankles at any moment, I hope to see them trip over their baggy pants and fall on their face to give me a good laugh. Who knows? They might learn something from the cuts and bruises. I doubt it, however.

Damn Kids Ruin Mom and Dad's Fun

That's one of the problems when you have kids. They're always popping their nosy lil' heads around the corner when ya least suspect. In this commercial, you see two lil' twits interfering with a mom and dad's innocent fun. It serves them right if they are scarred for life.

Hooray! Obama Won!

Damn, I'm glad Obama won the US Election last night. It's not so much I hated McCain, mind you. I think he may be a decent human being. I felt sorry for him that he was kept as a POW and tortured during the Vietnam War. Aside from this, I really felt that he would dug us deeper into the wars over in Iraq and Afghanistan to the point where our military would never leave. Plus, I didn't agree with his economic policies, his perspective on how to deal with health care issues and more.

Fortunately, I live in one of the states that voted Democrat (blue). It's good to know I exist amongst those with at least a modicum of intelligence.

Unfortunately, we still have until January to put up with George W. Bush. Hopefully, he can keep out of trouble until then, but I doubt it. Perhaps we can stick him in an adult playpen until January. The "adult playpen" idea sounds kind of like jail. Actually, that's where Bush belongs.

However, let's focus on the positive. We have reason to celebrate and hope. Barack Obama will be our president. He may not be able to solve all the problems in this country but I believe he will actually try. With Obama as president, we'll be heading in the right direction.

I'll step off my soapbox now.

Election Day Is Tomorrow--Please Vote Sensibly

In other words, please vote for anyone other than McCain and Palin. I don't ask for much. Just do me this favor and I will no longer bother you nor charm you with my poetic prose.

Halloween Memories--Come and Share The Love

I went up to my dad's house to help him pass out candy to all the lil' buggers during Halloween a few nights ago. My sister, hubby and kids joined us and participated. My niece pretty much took care of the candy bowl the whole night. At one point, the bowl of candy was empty. My niece became worried that we were out. I told her she should pick her nose and offer her boogers as delectable treats, instead. She frowned at that suggestion.

When I was a kid, I had, at different times of Halloween, dressed up as a robot, a ghost, Batman, a vampire and other things. During drunken Halloween parties, years later, I dressed up as a Jamaican man, a genie, a woman, a priest and I forget what else. I've been neglectful on the upkeep of my brain cells.

My first costume, a ghost, was a bad mistake.

It was my first trick-or-treating experience as a wee lad. I was nervous. I had never gone up to a total stranger's door and ask for candy. Nowadays, I would do it with a song in my heart and a lump in my pants. My sweet Auntie Kay, about four years older than I, grabbed my hand and took me on a walking tour of various neighborhoods. She was in a hurry, too. I could tell by the way she dragged me along the sidewalks at a speed that would make a cheetah envious. I don't think she liked the idea of being saddled down with a kid to look after the whole night. Heh heh. Oh well.

Anyhoo, the goddamn ghost bed sheet caused me to have all manner of fits. For one thing, I couldn't see out of it. The goddamn eye holes weren't big enough and were in the wrong place for me to see. Secondly, the sheet was too long. I must have stumbled, because of it, a gazillion times. And I don't know how many occurrences there were of me tripping and falling on some ass hole's overly steep concrete steps.

Damn those concrete steps! Damn them all!

One of the last times I dressed up for Halloween, I went as a priest to another drunken Halloween party. For added kicks, I had a dildo hanging out, over my nether regions, with my costume. Some were shocked. Others, appalled. It was apparent I made some folks uncomfortable. They would give me those "I'm disgusted" glares. Certain females laughed and pointed. I hid my shame by stroking my apparatus and making flirtatious remarks.

Was that okay?

My friend's overly goody-goody christian sisters were there, scowling at me. My shame caused me to take another swallow of beer and think of the different ways I would have enjoyed putting them over my lap and giving them a good once over.

Ah.... memories.

A Time of Merriment

STICK YOUR BRAIN IN A BOWL OF GOO
WATCH THE ELEPHANTS PLAY HORSESHOES
TASTE THE CRAZY IN THE WALL STREET FRAY
CROSS YOUR FINGERS
AND DANCE IN THE BLAZE

UNCLE SAM
HE WANTS TA SEE
EVERYTHING INSIDE OF YOU AND ME
IF THE MONKEY OBEYS
AND NEGLECTS TO SEE
MONKEY GETS TREAT WHILE GETTING REAMED

IT'S RAINING MISERY IN THE LANDS OF SAND
LIVES ARE SNUFFED FOR A SCHEME SO GRAND
POLITICS PLAYS A TUNE FOR YOU
WHILE WARS RAGE ON
AND CONSUME THE SOUL OF MAN