Sicker Jokes

What's the difference between an onion and a dead hooker?

I cried when I cut up the onion.

Why did the feminist cross the road?

To suck my dick.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the light bulb, the other to suck my dick.

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.

Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It’s a period" reported Johnnie.

"Well I can see that" she said. "but what is so exciting about a period?"

"Hell if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shit himself."

What should you do if you find a woman lying in a ditch at the side of the road?

Ask her why she left the kitchen.

How does an Arkansas mother know her daughter is having her period.

Her son's dick tastes funny.

What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?

Cancer.

What's red and silver and walks into walls?

A baby with forks in its eyes.

Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers.

The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink.

The woman says, "Sure, if you fuck me."

The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fat smelly ass."

The second man wants to live and agrees to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside. The women says, "Fuck me then!"

The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it out the window. The woman opens her eyes and asks for it again.

The man agrees and repeats the deed. The woman is finally satisfied and agrees to give the man and his friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the woman is going to give them some water.

The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that buttered corn."

Everyone sing!

Sing a song of syphilis,

A fanny full of crabs,

Four and twenty abscesses,

Twice as many scabs,

When it starts to open,

A crab begins to sing

What a fucking dirty cunt

To put a penis in!

Have a great weekend, fuckers!