Illogical Impatience And Other Societal Mental Illnesses

Where's my goddamn five layered, cheesy, beany, greasy, ass imploding 1o pound burrito?! Where's my anti-fart and acid reflux pills to go along with it?

On the Internet, I found there was research done on one of society's main flaws, impatience. The basic conclusion to this widespread American condition/tradition was that we are addicted to instant gratification. Which, just by casual observation, anyone can see.

The researchers cited fast food joints to be an excellent example of this and how they are one of the main culprits in perpetuating this "gotta have it now" attitude. The study suggests the fast food industry has greatly influenced our culture in this negative way. This makes sense to me. And I won't lie to ya. I'm impatient as hell, too.

If I'm kept waiting at a light at an intersection for too long, say, uh, one freakin' minute, I either pound on the steering wheel (which is kinda pretzel shaped now) or go the other direction, so to speak, and pop off to SleepyBye Land for a quick siesta in the driver's seat. About that time, some asshole, inevitably, will blow his horn behind me, causing me to wake, piss myself and have a stroke, simultaneously.

Of course, this reminds me of Road Rage. For those of you not living in industrialized countries, Road Rage is a little game that commuters, those driving to work and from, will play during the busiest times on the interstates and highways. The rules to Road Rage are fairly easy. Being angry is a prerequisite in order to play properly.

Road Rage Rules:

Rule #1 -Find a completely congested highway or interstate that is cluster-fucked with an endless sea of cars. Be sure you're in the thick of this man-made fucking mess. If it's a hot day, roll down the windows, if you wish, for the added benefit of sucking in the exhaust fumes of the cars around you. This may help to further enrage you. Caution: The sucking in of too many of these fumes may prevent you from moving on to Rule #2.

Rule #2 -Honking your horn, gritting your teeth, making obscene gestures and remarks, spitting, frothing at the mouth, bumping the car in front of you, using all manner of weaponry (guns, bazookas and/or hand grenades) are all fair strategies to be used, and really, are symptoms of an insane society, in regards to Road Rage. Go ahead! Make every one's day!

Rule #3 -Whoever lives is the winner and gets to go home, drink a beer and watch "Family Guy". If any body parts are missing (eye, finger, leg, anus, etc...) from the game played, previously, you may return to the road and go to the hospital. You have my permission.

Yesterday, I saw on the news that senators and other politicians in both Republican and Democratic parties are receiving death threats, in verbal and written forms, for voting for or against the Health Care Reform Bill -which, by the way, I'm happy to say, has finally passed after more than a year of bickering and lies. People are panicky and impatient for positive results of this progress or any upcoming progress, I believe, because of our national unemployment problems, recession and wondering how they're going to pay next month's bills and put food on the table. It doesn't help when one side of the political coin fuels the incendiary nature of society by making inflammatory remarks or remarks that incite fear and confusion.

Unfortunately for us, both parties excel in this destructive venture.

That, my friends, makes me hot under the collar. For real.

Of course, there are those times when impatience is understandable. Such as:

-While waiting too long at the doctor's office (two or more hours) for a routine appointment or for a missing limb. You may want to alert someone about any missing limbs. Preferably, by loud shouting and waving your bloody stump around in a circular fashion.

-While waiting for a service tech to get on the phone and then, when you finally do get a human on the line, they speak in a fucked up, heavily foreign-accented form of your language, causing you to seethe with anger and frustration until, ultimately, you throw your phone towards the cat, who proceeds to flee and crash into your significant other's favorite lamp or urn full of dead relative's ashes or gold plated hookah with accompanying wise caterpillar, thus causing greater turmoil in the end and possible bloodshed for every living thing in the house. Woo hoo. Impatience is understandable. Telling the service tech that you need to speak to someone you can understand is understandable. Maiming the cat and destroying the house is unacceptable.

You can think of more examples, I'm sure.

The point is, and it has taken me awhile to get to it because I'm kinda scatter-brained (it isn't noticeable, is it?), that being patient is more than just an important virtue to have and practice. Being patient can keep you and everyone else healthy. Anyone of us can promote harmony instead of chaos, which an individual or group's impatience is usually good at causing. The times are few when it's a good idea to to put your anger and impatience into action.